Some of us live to work. Others work to live.

I was asked the other day what my ideal job would be. What would I do if I could do anything in the entire world? What is my dream job? Naturally, what comes to my head facetiously is, “Can you get paid for sleeping, watching movies, reading, and trying on wedding gowns? ‘Cause I’d like to do that!” But the “real” answer is that I’d like to work for a publishing house, doing initial read-throughs of all sorts of books. I suppose then, yes, there is a job out there where I get to read all day long and get paid for it. The person that asked me that same question would like to be a pilot, one of those fancy-schmany corporate gigs where you get to fly people to Europe or the Bahamas and sit there for a week until the client decides they need or want to go somewhere else. Yeah, you can get paid to do that, too.

The problem with both of those jobs is that it involves a lot of grunt work, essentially being someone’s bitch for X number of years before maybe getting into the actual line of work intended.

It’s like Andie in The Devil Wears Prada. She wanted to write, but had to be somebody’s lackey just get in the door of a publication. I mean, it’s hard, thankless work. I’m sure it pays off, but at 30 years old, is that something I’m willing to do? I’m not sure.

And I’ve always been one of those people that works to live. I work so that I can get paid and have, do, or experience anything I want to (usually this manifests itself in traveling). I’m pretty koo-koo town about savings and having that necessary, but evil cushion for those “just in case” moments. And it’s come in handy (like when I unexpectedly had to drop $500 on new tires in one fell swoop). But I’m not sure I’d put it past me to blow it all on traveling. Admittedly, I’m a somewhat worldly person. I like having “things”…I like my electronics and kitchen gadgets/appliances and jewelry and whatever. I like to have fun things. So yeah, having a job benefits the life I currently lead.

But what if the job I had was the life I wanted to lead?

I recently read Ivanka Trump’s book, The Trump Card, and found myself both baffled and impressed that someone my age had found passion and fulfillment in a JOB. A JOB, for crying out loud! This is a woman who wakes up every morning and (apparently) is delirious with joy that she gets to go to the office. Okay, now granted, she seems to do a LOT of world traveling for said job and she makes a crap-load of cash doing it, but it’s still a job. And she shows up at the office at 6am, ready to rock and roll for the next 10 – 12 hours and couldn’t be happier doing it. SHE GOES IN ON WEEKENDS!

What if I had a job that made me so deliriously happy that I actually pined for full inboxes and phones ringing at all hours? What if sitting at my desk for ten hours a day was really, truly, and honestly the most exciting and useful way for me to spend my time?

How many of us live in that world? I have a friend that appeared to live there for a while and with her new job, she very well might still be living in that world. But her situation also begs another question: can doing what you’re passionate about also provide a decent salary?

I had a professor once tell me, “Do what makes you happy.” That’s all well and good, but what if what makes me happy ends up making me miserable because the salary blows?

I honestly wonder if it’s even possible to live to work and work to live, all at the same time…

Sometimes it pays to exist in a constant (or nearly constant) state of drama.

I’m making this new effort to write more “article” style blogs in an attempt to just try something different and see where it takes me. I call it “writing Carrie Bradshaw style.” You know, daily/weekly/bi-weekly/whatever articles on whatever happens to pop into my head, using my life as muse. The problem is that my life and Carrie’s life are in pretty stark contrast. For one, I’m real and she’s not. Another, she’s single (or was, until last summer) and I’m not. She has drama and, for the most part, I don’t.

So this poses a bit of a problem for me. My life is a somewhat terrible muse. What am I going to write about? My dogs? Chores? Work? Boring, lame, and a bad idea, respectively

Certainly, being single and dealing with the issues of dating (or not) provides far more entertainment. At least, it would seem.

There are ideas I’ve been flirting with, but nothing seems all the interesting to me right now.

Things like:
Giving and taking advice
Full-time work + full-time school (but that poor, dead horse…I just keep kicking him!)
Having babies

I’m just out of ideas for the time being. But am more than open to suggestion.

We all have our ideas of what “completion” means. We’ve all probably completed something, some task or goal, somewhere along the course of our lives.

Some have completed undergrad, master’s work, doctorate programs. Some complete projects, big and small, even daily to-do lists. Races, chores, papers, getting ready for a night out, dinner, reading a book. We’ve all completed something…many things, in fact.

But what does it mean to complete a person?

You know, like that line from Jerry Maguire: You complete me.

What the hell does that mean?

I’ve always been pretty adamant about never saying that someone “completes” me. That assumes that I was somehow un-whole or broken, missing a piece, before that person came along. I’ve long preferred the term “complement” in a phrase such as the one above. People are, indeed, complementary to each other.

Humanity is its own perfect accessory, really.

I have friends that are like the best pair of shoes I’ve ever had…stable, supportive, and sexy.
Some are like the perfect handbag…holding things I need with pockets to hold little nuggets of advice when I ask.
There are those friends that are my best jackets…I feel warm and comfortable with them, like going outside and about my life would be silly without them.
I have necklace & earrning friends…the ones that hug me when I need it and listen when I’m desperate.

My life would be far less sparkly, interesting, fashionable, or fun without any one of my friends.

So back to this “completion” issue.

I think I might be starting to think differently about that word as it relates to humanity.

I said to a friend the other day, “I can’t do life without him.” [Him obviously referring to my husband]

So I wonder…was I somehow more incomplete before I found him? Before he found me? Or maybe when we started dating, doing life together, got married, a new version of myself emerged. A version that, without my husband, would be incomplete and miserable. Humans, I believe, are meant to be in relationship, friendship or romantic, it doesn’t matter. I believe that it’s inherent in us to want to be with other people, to want to share our experiences and hurts, failures and triumphs.

I think that might answer my own question. Yes, I was incomplete before my husband. But I would also be incomplete without friends, family, humanity.

It’s been a year since I started my weight loss adventures.

Here was my goal: lose 15lbs by April 20, 2009 in order to look amazing in “the Britney outfit.”
I started ’round about this time last year.

Here were my tools: WeightWatchers online and Jillian Michaels 30DayShred (as well as some 10K training thrown in for good measure).

I hit my goal the day I left for Vegas which was THE single most exciting day of the year, thus far.

So what do I hate about my body now? After all that work?

Two things:

1. I get these insane cramps in my toes and the balls of my feet that are painful enough to bring tears. In fact, I just got one. I was wandering around our house in circles. My husband, enjoying a cigar in the balmy 46F evening, looked at my confusedly and came inside to ask what, exactly, I was doing. “My foot hurts,” was the only reply I could come up with. Mercifully, the cramp (this time) didn’t come in the middle of the night. There’s nothing worse than waking up at 2am with one of these horrifying cramps trying to walk the cramp off without waking anyone up. Oh my lord. I don’t even want to think about it.
2. My popping jaw. What the hell is that about? Maybe it’s related to stress. Maybe it’s because my spine is out of alignment. Whatever the case, I don’t care. I just wish it would stop. Oh, the agony when I’m trying to eat a friggin’ frosted mini-wheat and can’t quite get my jaw unlocked enough to crunch down. Seriously. It hurts. And I hate it.

So there’s that. I still have a poochy tummy. I still chew my cuticles (which I am trying to quit). There are plenty of things “wrong,” but those are the two things that I hate…and basically cannot control. Dammit.

At what point during the course of a cold does wine serve as a better medication that Robittuson?

I think I have found that point.

My nose is jammed full of nasty. I can’t really hear that well. My head [still] feels like it’s in a vice. Lips chapped. Coughing and sneezing are incessant.

Yeah, I full on have a cold.

My husband has patiently been feeding me Dayquil, Nyquil, Gatorade, and chicken soup for two days. Hangover from NYE? Hardly. I’m pretty sure I got hit by a truck the other night. At least, that’s how I feel.

So after depleting our supply of Dayquil, I have started in on the Aleve and Robittuson. I can take up to 6 doses in one 24-hour period. Something tells me that’s not going to do much good.

And out came the pizza and reisling. I can’t really breathe which means I can’t really taste much of anything, but damn. That pizza was amazing. All four slices of it. And the wine is going down really smoothly.

I still cannot use my nose for anything other the “schnucking” and breathing out my mouth is both disgusting and painful.

But the wine seems to be working its magic.

Ever have those moments where the past unexpectedly crops up?

Does anyone have any idea what to do with those moments?

When songs, people, places, thoughts, names, everything seems to remind you of the past?

Sure, when the past memories are bad or painful, it’s easy to know what to do with that. You just ignore, stifle, generally set them aside. I have plenty of those. In fact, much of my early-twenties is filled to the brim with memories and people I’d rather just forget. Painful and stupid actions. Mistakes that are better left un-mentioned.

But what happens when the memories are good? When the experiences remain fondly in your heart? What are you to do when a memory crops up that you’d somehow forgotten you had? It’s like our minds have this filing cabinet that stores all the best and none of the worst and at the most random and unexpected times, those files get opened. And why is it that such wonderful memories can bring both joy and pain?

Much of my time lived in Minnesota conjures up just that.

Joy and pain.

I remember so much about that year. And even the year prior, in Canada, that somehow leaks into Minnesota. Some of the people even. Minnesota was largely a year that I’d rather have done without. Too much hurt. Too much resentment. Too much…weirdness. It’s one of those periods in my life during which I did and said really stupid things. But I also managed to do some really brilliant things. I mean, you can’t count a year an entire loss when it’s the year in which you meet your best friend. She was one of a few redeeming qualities of that year.

But there is one mistake from that year which has recently cropped up. I’m not ready to expound on it. I may never be ready. But so much of my time in Minnesota is tangled up in this one incident. Actions leading up to this one moment were well worth it. I can tell you where I was, who I was with, what was said.

So I’m muddling through that moment in time, wondering why I did what I did. And while the memories are difficult, I am amazed at how easily I can go back to that time and smile…

So I haven’t yet come up with anything in the way of a New Year’s resolution, so in keeping with the theme of maintaining past resolutions, here are 5 things I’ve never done that I’ll try to make happen in 2010:

1. Graduate from college
2. Learn to shoot a gun
3. Roast a prime rib
4. Buy a house
5. ……?

I really can’t think of anything for a “new” resolution though. Probably “remembering to take time for myself” is a good one. That’s something I’ve struggled with for as long as I can remember. So many of the resolutions I’ve put into play in the past have involved doing or not doing something. It was like some kind of extended Lent, which never really worked. There was the year I swore I’d never swear again (that didn’t happen). And what about the one where I said I wouldn’t kiss a boy again until I got married? That was a) stupid b) unrealistic c) detrimental and d) laughable (considering I was 19 at the time).

I’m not sure I think resolutions should be about doing or not doing things. To be honest, I don’t know WHAT resolutions should be about. I guess maybe it’s about being a better person. Not necessarily to the world or your family or your friends, but just being a better YOU. What can I do to be a better ME? I really have no idea.

Admittedly, there is much about me that needs improvement. I’m frustrated easily. I get bent about stupid things. I fly off the handle. I’m lazy (sometimes). I don’t apply myself. I doubt myself. I’m forgetful and sometimes inadvertently rude or insensitive. I say stupid things. I tell jokes that aren’t funny.

There are several ways in which I could be “bettered”, but I’m not sure any of those things can or even should be changed. Maybe it’s enough to be aware of my follies, to be conscious of the ridiculous patterns I’ve created and make an attemp – however slight – to avoid those missteps.

I suppose it’s the time of year where reflecting is appropriate. So here goes.

2009 presented itself rather challenging, but not without its heavy-duty “ups”. Traveling proved to be my “thing” this year….I literally spanned the globe, most times with Todd, but made one solid trip with my girls (not all of them, but a solid group of them).

I finally took it upon myself to take some initiative and lose all my honeymoon weight. Yes, that was nearly 2 years ago, but it was taking to time to motivate myself. I had a goal, both in weight and time and reached both and was able to take on The Circus with pride.

Fitness was a new adventure this year and I completed the Bolder Boulder in approximately 1 hour and 6 minutes, a feat I was certainly not expecting. I ran the 10K in honor of my mother this year. She used to run every year until her knees just gave out and I’d been promising for the last 6 years that I’d run it for her someday, and I did. I even took her solid advice to “save something for the stadium” and ran through Folsom Field in under 15seconds…that was awesome!

I also did another race that I’d been wanting to do for years, Run the Republic. I undertook this race with three of my other girl friends. Our team name: The Skinny Bitches. Our name never got announced over the loud speaker on race day, but we think that was for obvious reasons. This race was a stairclimb…56 flights at just over 1000 steps to the top of the tallest building in Denver. I clocked in around 16mins for that sucker and that was without training. Holla!

I took quite a liking to the theatre this year. Another goal of mine was to see a Broadway show. Todd took me to The Phantom of the Opera this year and we were both blown away. The music, the costumes, the sets…it was all impressive and exciting! Then, in October, I was invited to see Wicked with a good friend for her birthday. This proved to be even more exciting that the first and I am certain that the latter is better than the former, but let’s be honest: just about any Broadway show is spectacular!

You’ve all already heard about our traveling adventures so I won’t write more about that here. It was big year, biggest yet in fact. We plan on topping ourselves in the years to come.

Todd and I both got to see one each of our former roommate get married this year, both to people we adore. Tarynn to Cory and Gabe to Kelly….each are perfectly suited and we were so happy to be able to celebrate with each couple.

Reflecting on the year gives me reason to pause and think about all the things I learned this year:

• Japanese people are the kindest I’ve ever met
• Cruisers are among the worst
• Friendships take an extraordinary amount of work
• I’m allowed to be selfish…with me, my time, my friends, my husband
• The place in my heart for my family continues to grow
• I am capable of doing anything I put my mind to
• I am stronger than I give myself credit for
• While I don’t enjoy writing fiction, I’m not exactly bad at it
• I work my best under stress, which is weird (G&Ks wedding proved that)
• I throw a mean book release party
• Selling myself short is the dumbest thing I’ve ever done

So, bring on 2010 and all it’s challenges, adventures, and lessons….

The first was a post about Christmas music and today’s post included my thoughts on some current musical phenoms…

Enjoy!