On not having a clue…

I’m gearing up for NaBloPoMo in November (with a friend…hopefully the accountability will help keep me more on track than I have been in the past). So I figured it’s a good time to try some random writing based on prompts that I find on the interwebs. I’ve been struggling to write anything of substance, so I’m hoping that just writing will spur me on…

A list I found suggested to write simple answers for the “Phase One” questions and then go back and elaborate withe the “Phase Two” questions. Some of them are pretty heavy, but here goes anyway:

Has a book ever changed my life?  Yes, The Omnivore’s Dilemma by Michael Pollan
Has a relationship ever changed by life? I feel like the obvious answer is yes. It’s the choosing which relationship that will be hard.
Describe a friendship I wish I had: I wish I had the lifelong friendships that one of my friends has with her “Queen Bees” from back home. But then I think about it and I have three very good friends whom I’ve been in relationship with for 25, 17, and 14 years respectively. That’s pretty damn solid.
Describe a friendship I wish I’d never had: This will lead into my next answer, but I can think of exactly one person I wish I’d never met, never known, never even seen.
What is the angriest I’ve ever been? The weeks and months following the night I found out my (now ex) husband had been cheating on me. I can still summon that rage if I need to.
At what moment in my life thus far have I felt the most powerful? Giving birth for the first time.
At what moment in my life did I feel a sense of wonder and awe? The first time I ever went to Japan…in 2008
What would I like to most change about myself? I tend to get really excited about doing something and then the excitement fizzles and I never follow through.
What would I most like to change about the future world? Umm…all the things? I want people to be kinder, more appreciative, less prone to bitching and complaining, happier, stronger…
What would I most like the change about the world’s past? Is it appropriate to again say all the things? I feel like the obvious answer is to ex out the World Wars. But that’s a very recent event in the world’s history. There’s a lot of crazy to choose from.

So there’s that. I still have nothing new to say, but I do have a monster headache and a double-shot dirty chai that need to get handled.

On déjà vu…


Day 4. My Dream Job. Well, I guess since I think about it pretty much all the time, it wouldn’t be a bad idea to write about it. Weirdly, the thing is, sometimes I don’t know which of my dream jobs I really want. There are a lot. I have this thing where I watch random TV shows and think, “I want to do that!” It’s how I ended up majoring in Social Work at one point. I watched an episode of SVU that was especially heartbreaking to me and declared Social Work, like, the next week. Every time I watch Nashville, I wish I could just sing for the rest of my life. Sing and make money doing it, that is. I’ve thought about going back to bartending, but at a swanky, prohibition-style bar. Man, I’d love that. And I’d be good at it.

But the dream job I always come back to? Writer. I just want to be a writer. I want to write for Condé Nast Traveler. I want to write for Vanity Fair. I want to write a blog that makes money. I want to write for the White House. I just want to write. I don’t know that I’ll ever give up on that dream, but I also don’t really know how to go about doing any of it, specifically the Vanity Fair one. I’m also amittedly kind of lazy. I have all these big, fun dreams, but DAMN. The work involved makes me want to cry!

I make the most ridiculous excuses not to go for it. I don’t have the time. I’m too busy being a mom. I’m too tired. I’m not good enough. You name the excuse, I’ve probably made it. All of them are equal parts valid and invalid. I also feel like I’ve talked about this a thousand times before. I’m beating a very, very dead horse by now.

So yeah. That’s my dream job. Now to get to it…