Mine typically lie in the grammatical arenas and occasionally in the creative. I’m a pretty good singer. I do well in the kitchen (especially when I’m baking). When I really feel like it, I can clean a house like you wouldn’t believe. I’m a financial mastermind (just ask my husband) and I can plan the hell out of any vacation you want.
My shortcomings are many, I assure you. But the one that really tends to boggle the mind (or bottle it, if you’re an Anchorman) is my total lack of mathematical skills whatsoever. I rely really heavily on my fingers, calculators, and Microsoft Excel to make sure that every number in my life adds up correctly.
So what do I do when I spill coffee on the one calculator I have at the office?
Divide by zero, of course!
And in a normal world, where doing this would result in black holes, my calculator now tells me that not only is this possible, but that the answer to any math problem I give it is 3, somehow by default.
So I began asking the calculator other questions.
335 + 50 = 387.50
The 6 key now pulls 00
It has decided that I simply do not need to use the number 9 anymore
Clearing the calculator results in a negative number of your choosing.
And pressing the = key is nothing short of disastrous. 123456 x 6 = 914.494591678
So here’s what I can conclude from all of this.
I am not supposed to do math. Ever.