On forgetfulness…..

My mind is like a trap. Really, it is. There’s very little I can’t remember (unless, of course, it’s where I’ve misplaced my keys). I have memories from 25 years ago that are remarkably clear. I remember meeting my childhood best friend when we were three-years-old. I can probaby rattle off memories from every single year of my life. The one that’s sticking out right now is from Grade 2, Mrs. Mosby’s class, during spelling. One of my classmates (who remained a classmate until senior year and was BFFs with my boyfriend by then) spelled WHICH, but spelled it WITCH instead. We also learned how to address envelopes that year, in total and complete fashion. Mine read:
My Full Name
123 Main Street
Arvada, CO 80004
USA
North America
Earth
Milky Way

Seriously. That happened. Another weird thing I remember? The son of my grade 2 teacher, I’m pretty sure dated my neighbor’s best friend in junior high. She’ll read this and probably verify either way.

I have very painful memories from junior high (I think we all do) and I sometimes think about those girls and how I was treated and get mad. And then I remind myself who I am today and that their shitty behavior made me a stronger person. Just like the Xtina song, “Fighter”. I remember the speech that I gave in my grade 8 English class and I remember my friend, Jenn, peeling sunburn off my face during that same class after I’d gone skiing the weekend before and thought it unnecessary to wear sunscreen (I now wear no less than four layers of facial protection when skiing).

By the time I reached adulthood (which I may very well be still reaching), I’d ammassed quite a collection of memories and continued to collect them. My early 20s are all pain and self-destruction and poor choices and yet, I remember then vividly. Can’t forget them, try as I might. Because music is a huge part of who I am, I’ve even tried to delete the memories by getting rid of all the music associated with that period of my life. Sadly, it has not worked.

So when someone tells me that I’ll eventually forget someone or something, I want to believe them, but I also know that it’s probably not the case. People, places, incidents, whatever…they stick with me forever. Both good and bad, it all sticks around.

I remember being 19, coming back to my college campus after a break, being stupid happy…over the moon, really. One break later, that was a 180* shift.

I remember how I felt at every single Varsity basketball game I ever cheered at. My favorite? A game that would take our boys team to the state semi-finals…#23 (some of you know who I’m talking about) hail mary-ed the hell out of a basketball from half court with less than 10 seconds left in the game…and made the shot…Best. Game. Ever.

I remember every cookie my dad ever made for one of my piano recitals. I remember how proud my choir director was when I made the All State. I remember breaking all my CDs with two very dear friends in Canada. I remember quitting the worst job I ever had and feeling so powerful for doing it.

I remember it all.

So I’ll remember this year. I’ll remember one of the worst things, but I’ll also remember that my husband and I bought our first house this year. I’ll remember graduating. I’ll remember it all.

One thought on “On forgetfulness…..

  1. I'm grateful for memories of spilling coffee on ceilings (which by the way, I learned they cleaned off sometime fairly recently…boo), but am equally grateful to have almost zero memories of junior high. Those 2 years were hell, dude.

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