I wrote a blog with this exact same title a few years ago. And here we are again.
My husband and I have been talking a lot recently about our move to Texas and everything that has happened to us since we left Washington state. It’s a lot and if you know what happened, you know. I don’t really want (or need) to rehash the trauma. It’s not necessary (unless you’re my therapist and even she hasn’t asked me about it yet).
But we finally made it to Texas only to end up buying a house that’s literally everything we did not want. It’s on a small lot, in an HOA, it faces the wrong direction, the back patio is boring AF, the kitchen sucks in ways I can’t describe, and there’s only one window facing the street…and it’s in the office so we can’t put our Christmas tree in the living room front window like we’d always wanted.
We were sort of backed into a corner and had to buy this house. It was a last resort. Retrospectively, there are some things we should have done differently (like rent until we found our dream house), but that’s neither here nor here.
But here’s the thing: this is OUR house. It’s the first house we’ve owned together and it’s OURS OURS OURS.
We can do with it whatever we want.
So we are. We won’t live here forever. God, no. It’s too small and doesn’t work for our family in the long run. But what we can do is live as if we’re already in the perfect house. We’re making it ours in meaningful ways…updating lighting, painting walls, installing a kick ass back patio…all these little things that will make it right for right now.
It’s kind of in line with the idea of manifestation, right? The energy that you put into the universe is what will come back to you. And basically, since March of 2023, all I’ve been thinking and talking about is everything that’s gone wrong and how everything sucks and isn’t what we thought it would be. And things just keep being…hard. Not overwhelmingly difficult, but, like, annoyingly hard.
So we’re now choosing to find the happy where it shows up, find that little ways the universe is saying, “It’s going to happen!”
I’m not getting any doula clients right now, but I am routinely meeting other birth workers and connecting to the birth community in DFW. I’m posting (what I think is) meaningful content on my business social media. I’m continuing to educate myself about birth and the birth culture in DFW (it ain’t great and I’m making it my mission to change that somehow).
Our house isn’t our dream house, but we’re making it dreamy in certain ways. I’m working on creating a cozy “apres ski” hygge vibe in the house (with the help of my bestie who is a brilliant designer and lets me ask all the questions). We’re updating all the closets to make them more functional thereby making the rooms seem bigger and more useful. We’re getting bids for the backyard living space we’ve been hoping to install since we moved in. The pantry, somehow, doesn’t feel as aggravating as it once did. Our front hall is coming together beautifully.
It’s taken me some time (#introvertsunite) to make friends, but I got ballsy and started a book club in our neighborhood and a TON of people wanted to join and our first meetup was an absolute success! The women I met that day are incredibly lovely and I’m so excited for our next meetup. I’m sort of making connections in the witchy, metaphsyical communities in DFW. I found a hairstylist that I LOVE. I’m finding it a little easier to insert myself into conversations at my daughters’ dance studio and do jang (apparently that’s a thing people do in Texas? Just overhear a convo and if they have something to add, they just…will. And it’s not rude or intrusive. It’s so foreign to me).
So yeah. I’m choosing to find the happy where it shows up for me, to see evidence of our dream life where it shows up, to find friends where they show up, to be okay with being weirdly me because it’s who I am, to look for the ways my business is growing and thriving in unexpected ways.
And eventually? Our dream life will just be the life we’re living.