On moving past the hate….

So the last few days have been a bit of a nightmare for me. It’s an ongoing process that I’m trying desperately to move though, as quickly as is possible and responsible.

There are things that I want to say, things that keep me awake at night. But I’m trying to put all of that out of my mind. It’s just not worth it. The anger and hatred is only really affecting me and eating me alive so I choose to (try to) push past that.

I have a box of sh*t that I no longer deem worthy of being in my home. Much of it will get broken in a final fit of rage. Some will be given away. And still some will hopefully sell well on Craigslist.
Justify Full
Yesterday was the most painful day yet. Fortunately, I had two lovely women recommend the following two songs to me:

Comfortably Numb (Pink Floyd)

Hello?
Is there anybody in there?
Just nod if you can hear me.
Is there anyone home?
Come on, Come on, Come on, now,
I hear you’re feeling down.
Well, I can ease your pain
Get you on your feet again.
Relax.
I’ll need some information first.
Just the basic facts.
Can you show me where it hurts?
There is no pain you are receding
A distant ship’s smoke on the horizon.
You are only coming through in waves.
Your lips move but I can’t hear what you’re saying.
When I was a child I had a FEVER My hands felt just like two balloons.
Now I’ve got that feeling once again
I can’t explain, you would not understand
This is not how I am.
I have become comfortably numb.
O.K.
Just a little pin prick.
There’ll be no more aaaaaaaaah!
But you may feel a little sick.
Can you stand up?
I do believe it’s working, good.
That’ll keep you going through the show
Come on it’s time to go.
There is no pain you are receding
A distant ship’s smoke on the horizon.
You are only coming through in waves.
Your lips move but I can’t hear what you’re saying.
When I was a child
I caught a fleeting glimpse
Out of the corner of my eye.
I turned to look but it was gone
I cannot put my finger on it now
The child is grown,
The dream is gone.
but I have become comfortably numb.

Details In The Fabric (Jason Mraz)

Calm down
Deep breaths
And get yourself dressed instead
Of running around
And pulling all your threads saying
Breaking yourself up

If it’s a broken part, replace it
But, if it’s a broken heart then brace it
If it’s a broken heart then face it

And hold your own
Know your name
And go your own way
Hold your own
Know your own name
And go your own way

And everything will be fine
Everything will be fine
Mmmhmm

Hang on
Help is on the way
Stay strong
I’m doing everything

Are the details in the fabric
Are the things that make you panic
Are your thoughts results of static cling?

Are the things that make you blow
Hell, no reason, go on and scream
If you’re shocked it’s just the fault
Of faulty manufacturing.

Yeah everything will be fine
Everything in no time at all
Everything

Hold your own
And know your name
And go your own way

Are the details in the fabric

(Hold your own, know your name)
Are the things that make you panic
Are your thoughts results of static cling?

(Go your own way)

Are the details in the fabric (Hold your own, know your name)
Are the things that make you panic (Go your own way)
Is it Mother Nature’s sewing machine?

Are the things that make you blow (Hold your own, know your name)
Hell no reason go on and scream
If you’re shocked it’s just the fault (Go your own way)
Of faulty manufacturing

Everything will be fine
Everything in no time at all
Hearts will hold

And another of my own choosing:

Down To The River To Pray (Alison Krauss)

As I went down to the river to pray
Studyin about that good ol’ way
And who shall wear the starry crown?
Good Lord show me the way!

O sisters let’s go down
Lets go down, Come on down
O sisters lets go down
Down in the river to pray

As I went down in the river to pray
Studyin about that good ol way
And who shall wear the robe & crown
Good Lord show me the way

O brothers lets go down
Let’s go down, Come on down
O brothers lets go down
Down in the river to pray

As I went down in the river to pray
Studyin about that good ol way
And who shall wear the star and crown?
Good lord show me the way

O fathers lets go down
Let’s go down, Come on down
O fathers lets go down
Down in the river to pray

As I went down in the river to pray
Studying about that good ol way
And who shall wear th robe and crown
Good Lord show me the way

O mothers lets go down
Come on down, don’t you wanna go down?
O Mothers lets go down
Down in the river to pray

As I went down in the river to pray
Studyin about that good ol’ way
And who shall wear the star and crown?
Good Lord show me the way

O sinners lets go down
Lets go down, come on down
O sinners lets go down
Down in the river to pray

As I went down in the river to pray
Studyin about that good ol way
And who shall wear the Robe and crown?
Good Lord show me the way

Music is a huge part of who I am. I’m a terrible lyricist and an even worse songwriter so I use others work as an outlet for myself. It’s not nearly as cathartic as calling her names or wishing hateful things or breaking stuff or crying or a million other things I could do to release, but it’s far more productive to just listen to music and sing along.

So that’s what I’m choosing to do at this point. And I’m throwing in a healthy dose of Owl City because, let’s be honest, how can you not feel good when you listen to that techno pop silliness?

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