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Choosing to think positively….

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The other day at work, I realized that I’d made a mistake and I beat myself up really hard about it. Really hard. Like I always do. Because apparently, for me, it’s never okay to make a mistake, but for anyone else, it’s totally acceptable, understandable, even expected. I just never allow myself the chance to be human and eff up from time to time.

But this mistake, as with other issues that have arisen in the last several months (most of the NOT my fault, but I have to deal with the backlash of them), I am learning heavily from and it’s working well. I have a giant sticky note on my monitor with several “positive thinking” statements:

I AM good at my job.

I NO LONGER make stupid mistakes.

I NO LONGER get frustrated at things I can’t control.

I CAN slow down and time the time to do it right the first time.

I have been living by these mantras for about a week now and they are really helping. I am coming to the realization that shit happens and sometimes I cause it and sometimes I don’t. But regardless, it’s not okay to beat myself up and it is okay to recognize that every single person in my office (and in the world) makes mistakes and it’s okay….just so long as I don’t do it again and learn from it.

It’s not like this happens every day, so that’s the good news. I wouldn’t have a job if it did. I am human, after all.

Epic fail, ABC….Epic fail

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Dancing With The Stars just announced the celebs for the new season:

Donny Osmond – singer / entertainer
Mya – singer
Macy Gray – singer
Aaron Carter – singer
Tom Delay – former senator
Melissa Joan Hart – actor
Debi Mazar – actor
Ashley Hamilton – actor
Joanna Krupa – model
Kathy Ireland – model
Kelly Osbourne – reality star
Mark Dacascos – reality star (Iron Chef chairman)
Chuck Liddell – mixed martial artist
Louie Vito – pro snowboarder
Natalie Coughlin – Olympic swimmer
Michael Irvin – former Cowboys wide receiver

Epic fail, ABC. I’m looking forward to Osmond, Mya, Carter, Hart, and Ireland. Ix-nay on the rest. Booooooo….good thing I still have So You Think You Can Dance and America’s Best Dance Crew. Sigh.

My DWTS list would include the following:
Robin Roberts – Good Morning America anchor
Raven Symone – actor
Kevin from the Backstreet Boys
Melanie Chisholm – Sporty Spice
Joel McHale – comedian
Chelsea Handler – comedienne
Debbie Harry – singer
Kat Von D – reality star
Eric McCormack – actor
Shirley MacLaine – actor
Benji Madden – singer
Donnie Wahlberg – actor/singer
Marcus Schenkenberg – model
Phil Keoghan – host of The Amazing Race

Wishful thinking, at best.

I hate coming back to work after vacation.

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Today was a miserable day. I kind of can’t even believe it. I got next to no sleep due, in large part, to screaming children at all hours of the night. Sigh.

Coming back to work after vacation is horrible, we all know this. But today was especially horrifying. Without any effort, I was made to feel like an incompetent boob. So that’s fun. I really hate that feeling…like I’m somehow the worst ever at my job and that I have no business being there in the first place. Sometimes, it’s very very hard being the youngest (by a long shot) person on my team with the least amount of experience. I try really hard to do the best that I can, but sometimes, it’s really easy to make me feel like a total moron.

This is incredibly vague and I’m aware of that. Just know that work was total shit today.

There is a redeeming factor to today however.

I came home this evening to find Todd making my all-time favorite dinner he’s ever made me. WHAT!?!?? That’s usually reserved for date nights and only after I’ve requested it several bajillion times in one day…it’s a really hard dish to make so for him to make it on a MONDAY no less was very very special and surprising!

I’m a lucky girl.

I stand by my previous statements…

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Regarding vacation.

The week prior to any vacation is, without a doubt, the WORST. Worse even than the week after a vacation.

This week has been pretty gross already and today is (hopefully) going to be the worst of it all. I’m itchy like you wouldn’t even believe so I made a doctor’s appt for Friday afternoon at 3pm…an hour after my final ends and 2 hours before we’re supposed to out for dinner and the airport. I’m the queen of jamming my schedule, aren’t I? (The answer is, of course, yes.)

I went to The Home Depot to get a water filter for our shower head and was met with more-than-blank stares by just about everyone I talked to. “Do they even make those?” I was asked at one point. Uh, yeah. I checked on the Home Depot website. The guy who ends up “helping” me is not the large man he was described to me as by the customer service rep, but rather a very old gentleman, towering over me at a slight 5’4″ (more or less), and one very very offensive individual, but I digress.

I went to Starbucks for my daily dose of pick-me-up (my boss thinks we should install a Starbucks in the office just for me…I have an addiction) and the woman next to me is tapping her foot incessantly and then a guy sits down on the other side of me and REEKS of day old cigarette smoke. Foul.

Work stuff is standard, but I’m putting pressure on myself to finish everything up before I leave so that no one else has to deal with my crap.

Suffice it to say, I’m ready for a vacation. I look like I’ve been cast in some crappy, B-rate horror flick, what with all the claw marks and scratches and gashes all over my body. Fortunately, Melo has given me the name of a lotion she swears by that is a) expensive, but b) available at Walgreens in small bottles so I can take them with me wherever I go. YAY!

I’m a wreck!

/ micahdl / 3 Comments

I have been itching incessantly since about 9pm yesterday. I’ve actually been pretty itchy for a couple days now, but it got really bad last night. I wish Todd could have stayed up all night scratching my back while I slept.

This morning, it’s pretty bad too. I’m clawing at my arms and back…I’m sure it looks glorious!

And the nasty weird whatever-the-hell is back on my hands. Every time I get out of the shower, the palms of my hands look like Falcor’s skin. It’s disgusting and it HURTS!

Why, oh why, can’t I get into the doctor before September?!?!

On growing up….

/ micahdl / 2 Comments

I can’t believe I’m speaking in numbers I actually understand at this point. Only a few more semesters and I’m totally done. I think that number is going to be five, just to be certain that whatever sanity I have left remains intact.

Latin was supposed to be the class that was “easy” and it’s turning out to be a bigger pain the ass that I could have possibly imagined. Bleh. Midterm on Monday, Final on the 31st, then done. Thank God.

In other news, Todd and I finally found something to purchase with the rest of our wedding money (yes, we still have some leftover) and bought a brand new, giant bed. WOO!!! Exciting for Todd because now his back won’t hurt every morning. Exciting for me because we kept the old bed and I now have a guestroom. I even bought a funky new bedding set for it. YAY! We’re almost done setting up the guestroom… just need to organize some misc. crap that we still have (and can’t get rid of). We did QUITE a number on that room last weekend. Re-organized Todd’s closet and somehow managed to get rid of another trunk-full of crap, either via garbage, recycle, or Goodwill.

I am baffled at how we manage to toss a trunk-load of stuff at least once a month, if not more. Where does all this crap come from?! We don’t even have a storage unit! All our wordly belongings are either in our apartment or our garage (and even that is really only our camping stuff and some Christmas stuff). I have absolutely no problems getting rid of excess junk. The less stuff we have, the less stuff there is to pack and move (at some point), and the less clutter there is to make me crazy. I am quite enjoying this minimizing venture I’ve been on for some time. It’s been a New Year’s Resolution for nearly 3 years now. It’s nice to see it in action.

I think we’re even going to get rid of the “purpa chair” (and possibly buy a fancy leather “cigar chair” for Todd instead)

and I’d really like to dispose of the white shelving that I’ve had since I was 20….move the big brown bookcase into the guestroom and invest in a nice little “media cabinet” for the living room.

Part of this is me de-cluttering. Part of this is me coming to the realization that I’m a grown up and it’s time to have grown-up things and stop living off of chip-board and crap from Goodwill or that has been handed down to me. It worked for a really long time…and it worked well…and I really liked it. But the “purpa chair” needs to go.

Fatigue, housing, and career upgrades…

/ micahdl / 2 Comments
Over the weekend, we headed out to Woodland Park / Pike Nat’l Forest to do some more camping, this time with L&R as part of the crew too. I like to refer to our camping trip as “Hilton Camping” because the campground had paved roads and was pretty “chi-chi” as far as that goes. Really clean and really close to town. Ah well. It was still camping and it was one of the only available campgrounds that weekend. So there’s that.

We did a pretty “hike” on Saturday (it was more of a walk than anything else) and wound up at Rampart Resevoir which was really beautiful and BIG! I took a bunch of pictures and then we had lunch on one of the fishing beaches…which was SO awesome (nicely done on lunch, L&R! Definitely stealing the wraps idea for next time!). We stuck around there for a while until we saw some ominous clouds starting to roll in and headed back to camp.

I’ll admit, it wasn’t the most relaxing weekend of my life. Far from it, really. I don’t know why, but I was fatigued the whole time and not really talkative or fun, frankly. I was just…done. Totally spent. It didn’t help that I was sick on Thursday and my right eye was totally effed all weekend. All I really wanted to do the whole time was sleep and read. I found myself on the outskirts of almost all conversations, preferring to be alone rather than around people. That feeling is pretty foreign to me. I almost always want to be in the middle of the action, but last weekend, I just couldn’t handle being around anyone for very long. I took naps a lot and went to bed early. I read my book for much of the daylight hours. I was just exhausted. I was so tired and so dis-interested in human contact that I even found myself doing the dishes…twice. I hate doing camping dishes simple because of the cold water, but it was actually enjoyable this weekend.

Time for a big break from life? I think so!
33 days until Alaska. I don’t plan on resting much there either, but it’ll be nice to get really far away from home for a spell.

Speaking of home, we’re looking at two more tomorrow night. Keep your fingers crossed…I have a really good feeling about both of them, but a really really good feeling about one of them…

Also, Todd has applied for an “upgrade” at work and has interviews throughout this week…keep your fingers extra crossed for him for the next few days…this position would be such a great move for him, for so many reasons! I’m so excited that he’s jumping at the opportunity, but trying really hard not to get my hopes up. I think he’s a great choice for the position, but I don’t want to get too excited, in case it doesn’t go the way we’re hoping it does. So keep those finger crossed and good thoughts in the air…!

They go in threes

/ micahdl / 3 Comments

Maybe now we can stop talking about those f**king GOSSELINS!

Three major icons gone in one week.
Makes me feel old.
Makes me feel reminiscent.
Makes me want to watch Charlie’s Angels…and also to never watch it again.
Makes me want to listen to his greatest hits…and also never hear Thriller again.
Makes me want to youtube some re-runs…and also never hear “Heeeere’s JOHNNY!” again.

It’s the little things…

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Things that I currently hate:
1. When people make gross-out noises about foods I’m eating and/or like
2. Disorganization
3. Clutter

I guess the last two are sort of the same. I guess.
I’m on a mission to make our guest room more of a guest room. I want to get the clutter out of there and the Christmas crap down to the garage. There’s just a lot of stuff in there, none of which can really be gotten rid of (books and shelves; desk; blah blah blah), but it can certainly be organized a little bit better. We have some random storage tubs that just need to get to the garage post-haste. I’m tired of the clutter. Really tired of it. Unfortunately, the problem was created largely by me. Sigh.

I have the shakes really bad right now. I have no idea why. I had the exact same breakfast I always have. Absolutely nothing different about today than any other day. But I have the shakes. And it sucks.

We’re going camping again this weekend, same crew + L&R…and for two days instead of just one. I’m pretty stoked. The only hitch in the plan is that we’re heading out on Friday after work…probably going to hit some heavy duty traffic. Oh well! It’s still camping for the whole weekend, which will be nice even if I have to bring homework with me. It’s the compromise I have to make in order to do fun stuff in the summer, I guess. It’ll be fine. Just so long as no one gives me hell for it….mwahahaha….

In the recent past, I have found myself falling more and more in love with Todd. Who knew that was possible?? We’ve had some really amazing conversations lately and have cleared up some misc. misunderstandings that were kind of holding us both back from lots of things. Sometimes, we just get so busy and wrapped up in life that we get a bit off track and off of the same page…it just takes a little re-evaluation and some good conversations to get everything back in line.

We started dancing again too, which is something that I’ve always loved doing with him. Except this time around, we’re simply having way more fun. We laugh a LOT during our lessons and generally just get silly which is so much fun for me. I love being silly with Todd! One of my favorite, most treasured moments with Todd was when we were just starting to get serious and he stole chocolate from me…it’s too hard to explain what happened and the moment is really just for the two of us, but man were we laughing so hard!

I think dancing is something of a priority for me, just because we have so much fun doing it together and it’s really exciting to learn something new at the same pace as each other. We’re both “new” to dancing so learning it together is really enjoyable for me. And we do enjoy going to weddings and out dancing and being able to know what steps to do and to what types of songs…I really hope there’s some chances for us to get our groove on during the cruise!

Looks like somebody had a case of the Mondays…

/ micahdl / 2 Comments
Yesterday turned into a big ol’ Charlie-Foxtrot in a hurry. I have no idea why it had to happen on a Monday, but it did. I hate Monday’s.

It all started last Friday when I went to register the new car, Eleanor. Turns out, the bank sent me incomplete and/or wrong information so I wasn’t able to register the car after all. What a way to spend a lunch hour that could have/should have been spent studying. Sigh. The woman at the DMV-County Clerk was at least very helpful and nice so that softened the blow.

I got everything squared away and went back to the DMV yesterday, wasting yet another perfectly good lunch hour. I get there and they’re on #195…I’m #219. Super rad! It actually went rather quickly, as far as the DMV is concerned. So I get up to the counter, expecting to write a check for about $250 to register the car. What the guy tells me next is almost unfathomable.

Your total comes to $1512.40.

Excuse me, WHAT?!?!? Apparently the bank didn’t roll taxes and fees into the loan so I had to cough up about $1200 more than expected. Jeebus! What the hell was that all about?!? As far as I know, it’s pretty standard to roll that crap into the loan because, well, a lot of people don’t just have $1500 sitting around. Fortunately for us, I’m a nazi about savings so while it was HUGE hit for us, it won’t destroy us. It just pisses me off…and leaves us $1200 less in the bank for a down payment on a house. Super. Freaking super.

That whole incident really made me reconsider buying a house. I mean, yes, it would be nice and yes, there’s that $8000 first-time-home-buyers credit out there, but after the sh*tstorm yesterday, I’m thinking a little more seriously about what a house could cost us. Sigh. I’m exhausted. Just done.

Good thing that wasn’t the only crap I had to deal with yesterday. Get it all out of the way at once, I guess.