Does anyone have any idea what to do with those moments?
When songs, people, places, thoughts, names, everything seems to remind you of the past?
Sure, when the past memories are bad or painful, it’s easy to know what to do with that. You just ignore, stifle, generally set them aside. I have plenty of those. In fact, much of my early-twenties is filled to the brim with memories and people I’d rather just forget. Painful and stupid actions. Mistakes that are better left un-mentioned.
But what happens when the memories are good? When the experiences remain fondly in your heart? What are you to do when a memory crops up that you’d somehow forgotten you had? It’s like our minds have this filing cabinet that stores all the best and none of the worst and at the most random and unexpected times, those files get opened. And why is it that such wonderful memories can bring both joy and pain?
Much of my time lived in Minnesota conjures up just that.
Joy and pain.
I remember so much about that year. And even the year prior, in Canada, that somehow leaks into Minnesota. Some of the people even. Minnesota was largely a year that I’d rather have done without. Too much hurt. Too much resentment. Too much…weirdness. It’s one of those periods in my life during which I did and said really stupid things. But I also managed to do some really brilliant things. I mean, you can’t count a year an entire loss when it’s the year in which you meet your best friend. She was one of a few redeeming qualities of that year.
But there is one mistake from that year which has recently cropped up. I’m not ready to expound on it. I may never be ready. But so much of my time in Minnesota is tangled up in this one incident. Actions leading up to this one moment were well worth it. I can tell you where I was, who I was with, what was said.
So I’m muddling through that moment in time, wondering why I did what I did. And while the memories are difficult, I am amazed at how easily I can go back to that time and smile…