I’ve been writing for a while now. Several years, in fact. Part of that time, I was writing for my degree, but let’s be honest: a ton of that writing came from a deeply personal place (not the technical writing, though. How personal can that be? It can’t be. Trust me). I’ve written about a whole host of topics and issues: cheerleading, sociological theory, Japan, war, the Bible, Canada, various films and books. I even delved (unsuccessfully) into fiction. I was (and remain) laughably bad at fiction.
But there are those pieces I’ve written that came from my soul, but something so deep inside me, I still can’t really understand how I got the words out. I write and I edit and I edit some more. Then I post the blog and…
For someone that (for better or worse) gets a lot of her self-worth through external validation, having those pieces/articles/whatever fall on deaf ears (eyes?) is a challenge I’m working through. Not getting validation often makes my determination, motivation, and dedication take hits as well. It’s not a great way to go through life, if I’m completely honest. I really should be writing for myself right now. I should be writing, running, cooking, reading, anything because they are a part of who I am and they make me feel good about me.
I’ve historically been kind of a lazy, schedule-driven person, so this is really an opportunity for me to get off my ass (literally and figuratively) and do the things I keep talking about doing. I just need to decide I’m going to do something and do it. Without a schedule, I tend to do absolutely nothing. Seriously. Okay, not nothing…I have beaten nearly 300 levels of Candy Crush Soda Saga and have solved countless crosswords. This is clearly not a great use of my time.
Someone recently told me that motivation, while awesome, waxes and wanes. It’s rather fickle. Discipline, however? That can be cultivated and maintained. So it’s time I kick the discipline into high gear. I don’t know how I’m going to do it, but I’m going to do it.