I’ve been writing for a while now. Several years, in fact. Part of that time, I was writing for my degree, but let’s be honest: a ton of that writing came from a deeply personal place (not the technical writing, though. How personal can that be? It can’t be. Trust me). I’ve written about a whole host of topics and issues: cheerleading, sociological theory, Japan, war, the Bible, Canada, various films and books. I even delved (unsuccessfully) into fiction. I was (and remain) laughably bad at fiction.
But there are those pieces I’ve written that came from my soul, but something so deep inside me, I still can’t really understand how I got the words out. I write and I edit and I edit some more. Then I post the blog and…
Nothing.
Silence.
For someone that (for better or worse) gets a lot of her self-worth through external validation, having those pieces/articles/whatever fall on deaf ears (eyes?) is a challenge I’m working through. Not getting validation often makes my determination, motivation, and dedication take hits as well. It’s not a great way to go through life, if I’m completely honest. I really should be writing for myself right now. I should be writing, running, cooking, reading, anything because they are a part of who I am and they make me feel good about me.
I’ve historically been kind of a lazy, schedule-driven person, so this is really an opportunity for me to get off my ass (literally and figuratively) and do the things I keep talking about doing. I just need to decide I’m going to do something and do it. Without a schedule, I tend to do absolutely nothing. Seriously. Okay, not nothing…I have beaten nearly 300 levels of Candy Crush Soda Saga and have solved countless crosswords. This is clearly not a great use of my time.
Someone recently told me that motivation, while awesome, waxes and wanes. It’s rather fickle. Discipline, however? That can be cultivated and maintained. So it’s time I kick the discipline into high gear. I don’t know how I’m going to do it, but I’m going to do it.
Use. The. Clutch. 
A few comments:
1.) I read your posts, but never comment. It’s not because I don’t enjoy them. I think i’m not alone in this though… We should probably be better about saying to someone… “hell yeh, what you just said was totally spot on” or “woah, you’re a little off track…”. Wait, we really don’t need more of that last one… we have Facebook for that kind of nonsense. But, when you do put yourself out there and write something important to you, it can be extremely difficult to hear nothing as a response.
2.) Crosswords are not a waste of time. Right?
3.) I struggle with staying motivated. It’s something that I’m learning in a different way as I’ve become a mom. How do you motivate yourself to do things, do better, or be a better example without a crap ton of encouragement? And, how do you not beat yourself up when you fail at staying motivated? I think that’s what really makes me struggle. I get down on myself for not staying motivated. And, if someone tells me that is a Catch-22, I will seriously need to motivate them to actually read that book (seriously, read the danged book before saying something is a Catch-22… end rant).
That book is bloody fantastic!
Also, I’m learning it can be a lot more about discipline than motivation. For whatever that’s worth.