On sensing control…..

There have been some fun changes going on in the office as of late.

My desk got moved, which means that in the four years I’ve worked here, I’ve lived at five different desks (and have had three different job titles). The move happened while I was taking some time off to ski…I got a call from my boss as a follow up to the text, “Call me asap. Don’t worry…just need to run something by you.” Well, PHEW!

So Monday morning, I walk to my new desk and it’s a total Charlie Foxtrot. My computer is in shambles, my personal items and various files are strewn about my desk, and all I could think was, “I have space again!” You see, my previous desk, while lovely, was designed more for an executive who doesn’t require a bazillion files to be on his or her desk at any given moment. My new desk probably almost triples the amount of space that I had a week ago…oh happy day!

I think some people thought I’d be really upset (or, at the very least, somewhat perturbed) that I’d been moved. The truth is, I couldn’t be happier. I have more space, my own space, some sense of privacy, more movement…there are a lot of reasons I’m glad my work space has been moved. I got what has been termed “the shittiest cube in the office” and when asked if that was an issue, my only response was, “Do I really have a choice?” There’s no where else for me to go and, beyond that, what’s the point of complaining about it anyway? I simply do not care.

All that to say, I am the only one responsible for my attitude toward and outlook on life.

I’m a firm believer that people will come in and out our lives that are capable of making us feel certain ways, good or bad. When someone hurts your feelings or is cruel, it’s hard not to ask, “Why would you do or say that?” or say “Well, that made me feel pretty crappy.” The same is true when someone pays you a compliment or commends something about your life…isn’t our immediate reaction, verbal or otherwise, “Wow, that felt great!”

People can be and sometimes are responsible for the way we feel.

What they are not responsible for is how we react to those feelings. In the purest sense, people simply do not have control over your life. You do. We all have control over our own lives. We just have to choose to exercise that control. For me, there are about a million ways that can happen. Some things require action, others inaction. Some things require that I simply decide in my head how to control my life, some things require that I voice those decisions.

Beyond what I, myself, can do, there is just no reason or sense in getting upset over things I cannot control. It takes too much energy and requires more than I’m willing to give. I can’t control if someone wants to be shitty – to me, about me, or in general. So why get bent out of shape about it? I, and I alone, know how I’m going to react, what I’m going to believe, and how I’m going to move forward and beyond. Because, at the end of the day, being shitty back accomplishes precisely nothing. It turns me into an ugly person that I have no intention of becoming.

I may not have a perfect life and I certainly don’t NEED a Stepford life, but frankly there’s nothing wrong with trying to be as decent a person as I can be. That’s something I can control, should I choose to.

I don’t have a perfect life, but I choose to have a happy life. And at the end of the day, that’s all I really need.

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