On shapes and indelibility….

I think that as we get older, we all look back and consider all the choices we’ve made and things we’ve done and sort of ponder how all of those things have shaped who we are. We all want to believe that we come to where we are currently of our own accord and while that’s probably true most of the time, do we ever stop to think about why we do certain things we do?

Why do I listen to a certain type of music or a specific band? Why do I write my cursive “a” and “g” that way? Why do I say that phrase? Why do I wear the style of clothes that I do? Why do I love that one movie?

If I really thought about it, I could probably pin each of those things back to a specific person. Maybe even a specific time in my life. I’d be hard pressed to find many of those people still in my life actively (most are mere memories by now), but things I learned from them tend to stick around.

Sure, my family has impacted my behaviors and attitudes in an infinite number of ways, but substantial portions of my life prove the saying that “no person can cross the path of your destiny without leaving a mark on it forever…”

We all have former lovers, grade school best friends, teachers and professors, relgious leaders, random acquaintances, even famous actors/writers/philosophers that we know have marked our lives somewhat indelibly. So it does become a more than a little true that once you’ve come into contact with someone and spent some amount of time with them, chances are very good that your “destiny” will be forever marked by them and theirs by you.

I wonder, then, why I hear of people getting wound around the axle when their current spouse/lover/best friend makes some remark that unintentionally hearkens back to a former life. Is it really impossible to delete a past whatever from one’s being? Take my husband for example. He was married to another woman before me. He exhibits behaviors and probably says and does things that he did when he was married to her. I mean, they were together for nigh on five years. It would be practically miraculous if he never exposed to me that part of his life. She left a mark on his life. I have boyfriends from the past that have left marks on my life. Is it all that odd? Is it even bad?

Life is almost entirely wrapped up in being in constant contact with another person. So how would it be possible to deny that people shape who we are? I think we might all like to believe that we’ve become the person we are at this very moment based entirely on our own choices, of our own free will. But the reality is, people have shaped who I am in the same way I have probably shaped another person.

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