It’ll never happen, but man, would I ever love to give up this intense hold I have on planning every portion of my life out to a “T”.

Nothing ever really works the way it’s supposed to. Or rather, the way I intend for it to go. Maybe it’s me trying to play God in so many areas of my life. I don’t know. It’s just that I’ve always been able to plan ahead. And for the last year or so, it’s been basically fruitless to try to do so.

I knew when I was going to graduate, how much money it was going to take, when we could have kids….basically, I just knew the how, when and where of every single portion of my life. And now that’s just not going to be the case. At least for a while.

Rather, we’re kind of back to square one. Things have to go on hold. Not forever. Just for a bit. I’m trying to think of the most functional and reasonable answer to so many things, but mostly all I really want to do is cry.

Not because I’m sad, but because I’m totally clueless anymore.

So here we go, one more time.

Prayers please?