Life

On wanting what I have…

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With only two-ish weeks left in the year (and thank God for that), I’ve started thinking about New Years resolutions. I do this every year. But the last ten or so years, my resolutions are more about deleting something from my life than about adding.

One year, I vowed to go to chain restaurants as little as possible. That one really stuck. Well, until I moved to southern Maryland where chain restaurants are really the only available options most of the time. I love seeking out new places to eat and discovering little hole-in-the-wall family-owned dives that just know what they’re doing with whatever food they’re serving. I’m looking forward to getting back to that when we move next year. That was easily one of my best resolutions to date.

This coming year I’ll be thinking more about subtractions. I want to simplify and minimalize. I want to spend less and do more.

For the last few years, ever since having our first baby, I’ve felt a constant need to get rid of things. I feel like there’s a lot of clutter and chaos in my life and a baby (or two babies, as the case will soon be) doesn’t lend itself to a lack of stuff. And the things we do actually need for the tiny humans are quite large. I’m beig overrun by toys, diapers, and shoes right now. It’s overwhelming a lot of the time. So I end up violently purging my own things a lot of the time. I’m vicious when I purge. I give zero regard. If I don’t currently use or need it, I want it out of my house. To the point I don’t even care if I can sell it. I’ll give it away if I can just get rid of it!

So my personal goal for 2017 is to buy fewer things. I honestly can’t think of anything I actually need, much less want. A friend recently told me about a friend of hers that went an entire year without buying anything new. I would love to try that sometime. I don’t think it’s at all realistic for someone with a husband and children. But it’s certainly something to keep in the back of my mind every time I go to Target or the grocery store or log on to Amazon.

One great thing about having two girls is that I don’t really need to buy anything new for the littlest one. She’ll get a few of her own things, but by and large, she can just wear her big sister’s clothes. And let’s be honest: babies and kids grow out of clothing so quickly that most of her things are still in fabulous condition! And there are some things that my first just didn’t get to wear for long enough, so it’ll be fun to put her sister in those tiny, cute clothes!

There’s also a really good chance that I’m going to need some smaller clothing once I’m done being pregnant and have hit my goal weight again. That’s a ways off, but it’s a reality. Granted, I have a TON of pre-pregnancy clothing that I can’t wait to get back into, but I know I’m going to want to treat myself to a couple new things. I think that’s fair. Plus, I’m going to need a new dress for when the sailor comes home from his next deployment (whenever that is).

But beyond that, there’s just not a lot of need or want in our family. We have everything we need and more. And what we want? Those aren’t really tangible things. I suspect that’s partially a product of getting older. I’d rather just spend time with my family than buy a new gadget.

Except for a bluetooth keyboard for my iPad. I really want one of those.

On firming it all up…

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Photo credit: Someecards.com

Can we talk about etiquette for just a second?

At what point did “maybe” become an appropriate response to an invitation? When did it become okay to just not respond to an invitation until well after the requested RSVP date and at the near-harassment of the host?

I sometimes feel like social media has made us far lazier and more rude than was ever intended. Why, Evite, is “maybe” a response that can’t be eliminated when creating an invite?

I hate the “maybe” response. Why? Because it makes me think you’re waiting to see if something better comes along. It makes you look incredibly inconsiderate. It makes it damn never impossible to plan for food and drinks, which makes it really hard to budget. Would you respond “maybe” to a wedding invitation? If you would, I’m really going to need you to evaluate how you run your social life.

Over the last few weeks, I’ve had no less than three  friends tell me they’re having the worst time nailing down RSVPs for parties they’re throwing. Look, folks. It’s not that hard. FFS we’re all attached to our smart phones. It’s not like you don’t have access to a calendar literally all the time. Check your dates and respond appropriately to an invitation. There is no “maybe”. You’re either going or you’re not.

And please don’t regale me with tales of how you might have to work or you’re trying to get out of working or you don’t know if you can find a babysitter. I get it. There are legitimate reasons for saying “maybe” to an invitation. But don’t. Just don’t. Figure your schedule out and respond. It’s one thing if a sitter falls through last minute or you suddenly become violently ill and have to cancel. Of course life happens. That’s not the point. The point is, you are either planning on attending or you are not.

It makes it really hard for the host to not feel like an asshole when they try to follow up  with you Maybes. And why should the host feel like that? YOU should feel like a jerk for not responding appropriately in the first place.

It’s the time of year when people are planning and hosting parties basically every night of every weekend for the next four to six weeks. Do your hosts a favor and respond. Seriously. Stop what you’re doing right now and respond either “yes” or “no”, “going” or “not going” and put it on your calendar. Give them a chance to throw a kick ass party without having to hunt down half their invitees and feel like a jerk for doing it.

 

On filling the voids…

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Photo Credit: Ann Taintor

I hate chores.

I also hate chaos and clutter.

This is just one of many dichotomies about me that annoys the hell out of my husband. He doesn’t mind chores, but he also doesn’t get nearly as bothered by clutter. We’re kind of an awful pair when it comes to that. Ill-matched, at best.

I’d just as soon get rid of nearly everything we own and live in a “tiny house” than deal with any more clutter. I like clean surfaces and tight bed sheets (I’m the person that would iron and steam sheets if she could). I like the smell of lemon bleach and the sight of an empty kitchen sink. I like seeing a freshly mopped floor and a clean front entry.

However, I am about the last person that will ever volunteer to complete these tasks.

I really hate chores.

Except for two. There are two chores I will do every single day and never complain.

I will iron and I will vacuum. I will especially iron if I can use starch and I will definitely vacuum just so I can see those lovely tread lines. I was ironing our cloth napkins the other day and when my husband asked what I was doing, I said, “I’m ironing. I freaking love doing this.” I had to explain no less than three times that I was definitely serious. I was absolutely enjoying ironing my napkins.

I honestly wish I knew what it was that irritated me so much about clutter. Then maybe I could figure out why I have an aversion to chores. Or maybe the two are entirely unrelated. I don’t know. All I do know is there is a lot of money in therapy to be spent on this!

But every now and again, like today, I’ll get in some crazy mood and just start cleaning and go on a mad binge for at least an hour. I did a 30 day cleaning challenge about a year and a half ago and my kitchen has never ever been as clean as it was that day. I mean, it was spotless and the counters were completely bare. It was quite the sight to behold. Maybe I should do the challenge again. But a year and half ago, I had a four-month-old. Now I have a two-year-old and she is a tiny, walking tornado of toys. Keeping things uncluttered and cleaned is a whole different ball game now.

I try to let go of my aversion to clutter. I really do. But every several days it just comes to a head and makes me want to have a “going out of business” sale with my house. It actually makes me a little excited about moving to a much smaller house next year and not being able to take a lot of our things with us.

I like having space. I don’t like filling the space with stuff just for the sake of filling the space.

And I hate cleaning up the things.