I think sometimes the world gets confused when moms say they’re tired or just done or “just can’t mom today”. People think it sounds like we’re whining or that we wish we hadn’t had children.

But there’s a huge difference between not always enjoying being a mom and not enjoying motherhood.

Being a mom is a lot like a job, in many ways. There are expectations to meet, goals to set, schedules to keep, tasks to accomplish…and all of that needs to be prioritized correctly so that nothing gets missed. I wake up at the same time every day and- despite knowing I need at least 30 minutes to properly “hatch” for the day – I am ON. It’s just jump out of bed and begin the day. I have a routine. Our kids have a routine. From 7am until 8pm when the kids go to sleep, there is a routine. I have to manage our finances, health & wellness, basic household chores, and somehow find a minute or two for my own work.

It’s fucking exhausting and like anyone with a traditional job, I want a break! I want a two week vacation where no one from work talks to me or emails me or says my name or needs something from me.

But motherhood? Oh, that’s a completely different thing.

That’s the good stuff. That’s when I really shine. I feel like motherhood is the “fun” stuff…teaching my daughter how to use her first razor and show her how to curl her eyelashes. Braiding my other daughter’s hair in perfect French braid pigtails. It’s feeling nostalgic every time an old picture pops up on my phone from somewhere deep in the past, when words were just starting to come to them and their personalities were all over the place.

It’s the moments, too, when I feel like I’m failing. When all I can remember is when I yelled or got frustrated over something stupid. It’s when I wonder, “What will they remember about their childhood? That I yelled and was exhausted? Or that I tried my damndest to make magic wherever I could?”

It’s the parts when one kid has such a bad day at school, she started crying in class which just made everything worse, but she knew it would be better the second she walked in the door at home. Or when my other kid tells me she got so overwhelmed with noise at school that she “lost control of her big feelings” and feels terrible about it, but also that she “tried to stay calm as long as she could!”

Momming is making sure each kid remembered to bring their proper dance shoes to class that night.

Motherhood is the deeper, soul-searing parts of life. The parts that, for better or worse, I’ll probably remember forever.

So when you hear a mom say she’s tired of being a mom, consider all the things you had to do today…all the tasks and requests and meetings. Remember those and remember that she did all of that, too.

And just like you’d like an off-the-grid vacay to southern France without any responsibilities, where the only thing you have to concern yourself with is which wine to pair with a fabulous dinner that evening, so would she.