It’s the last day of #NaBloPoMo and this will be my twentieth post of the month. I’m not going to lie: I didn’t think I’d post even half that many times! My success this month makes me hopeful I can continue writing with much more regularity…and even more hopeful that I can find interesting and worthwhile things to write about. That’s my biggest challenge. Much of what I write doesn’t feel all that interesting.
The final prompt for this month is:
Have you chosen a word of the year for yourself for 2017? What is it? If not, what words would you consider?
Given that I really enjoy all the words, this is going to be a hard one to answer. Well, that’s not the real reason. The real reason is that this question has never been posed to me before. It’s never once crossed my mind to have a “word of the year.” Is that a thing people actually do?
So it’s making me think about all the things I’ve done and learned over the last eleven months. It all seems like a whilrwind. I’m not sure if I could nail down just one thing
Okay so scratch that.
Maybe the best word for 2017 is “anticipation.”
Yeah, that sounds about right. There’s a lot coming up for the next year. Things I’m excited and nervous about. Things that terrify me. Things that thrill me. Moving to another country. Leaving my family and my friends even further behind. Giving birth for the second time. A new baby. Deployments. Managing a toddler and an infant without my husband there for what I’m sure will feel like an eternity. Homecoming. Vacations. Disneyland in another country. Cross country road-tripping (I hate road trips, by the way. More than about 2 hours and I’m spent and start whining, toddler-style).
I spend a lot of time thinking about how all those things can turn out. I’m cautiously optimistic that everything will be Pinterest-worthy (especially that deployment homecoming…I’m a crazy person about things like that. I can offer about a 99% guarantee it will go down as I’m hoping it will). Hilariously, the only thing I don’t really have any reservations about is giving birth again. That’s right. Having my person basically ripped in half doesn’t freak me out, but a 30-hour road trip makes me want to crawl under the covers and cry.
I worry about how to manage to little girls under the age of 3 without a partner in crime to help deal with the crazy. I worry not because I don’t think I can do it, but because it’s just going to be so different from what I currently know. There will be no tag-teaming night time wake ups. I’m going to be more tired and more sleep deprived than I can even conceive of at this point. But I’m also hopeful that my oldest daughter will continue to be her (mostly) dreamy, helpful little self and will most likely be the glue that holds Mommy together until Daddy gets home. It’s a big responsibility for a two-year-old…but she is one hell of a kid and is stronger than I in so many ways.
I’ve been learning this year how to release myself from the grip of fear. It doesn’t benefit me in any way to live in fear or disappointment. Yes, things still frighten and disappoint me, but I try not to let myself stay there. I will fail. Things will fall apart. Plans will not go according to my schedule. That’s just the way life works. But I’m finding (as I have been for several years now) that finding the good or helpful in every situation. Or even finding the lesson. I often find myself asking, “What was I supposed to learn from this?”
So I think that’s my word for 2017: ANTICIPATION.
There’s a lot on the horizon…I’m looking forward to some incredible views.
One thought on “On looking to the beyond…”
I think my word is; relax. But I swear that’s all I ever do 😂