On learning to lean and balance….

Life, for me, has always been a bit of a balancing act. Sometimes, that’s taken to quite literal extremes. I tend to wear shoes that have a heel height of more than 3 inches. Currently, I’ve been rocking 5″-6″ stillettos. It’s not great for my feet or back or whatever, but I really just don’t care. I love the way I feel when I wear those shoes. It’s just that it takes a bit of skill to manage them, especially when I’m walking on tile floors at the office…watch out!
I tend to have decent balance as far as that’s concerned. After years of cheerleading, I can usually handle the balancing thing (unless I haven’t had enough to eat, then I just get shaky and dangerous). I’m pretty good on a balance beam most of the time.
But when it comes to the rest of my life, I tend to topple in one direction or the other.
I’m notorious for planning my entire life in 15-minute increments, but rarely do I plan for my own down time. I can’t remember the last time I actually had something on my calendar that didn’t involve making an appointment or planning an event or having to be somewhere. Yeah, I’m that person that basically has to schedule naps. Disturbing? Yes.
I’m pretty tough when it comes to my emotions, but there comes a time when breaking is just a necessity. Fortunately, I have good friends who know my tendencies and call me out on them…and then are just generally there when I start to lose my balance.
Breaking, for me, is always a challenge. I don’t want people to think I’m weak or out of control. I want to be strong and pulled together. Most of the time, I am. Breaking means admitting failure or shortcomings, neither of which I’m comfortable with. But maybe experiencing failure or shortcomings isn’t the worst thing in the world.
Maybe it’s just the thing we need to push ourselves further. I’m not sure I believe that, not right now. But it bears some consideration.

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