I dropped five pounds of frozen chicken on my foot this morning. I wish I was kidding. The day definitely started rocky, to say the least. Getting my youngest out of bed and ready to go can be a real nightmare some days. She has a way of turning the smallest things into a crisis … Continue reading On getting through the pain…
writing
On getting back into it….
A million years ago (or what feels like a million years), there was this thing called NaNoWriMo. And a buuuuunch of my writer friends particiated. For those that don't know, it's National Novel Writers Month, in which the challenge is to write every single day for an entire month in hopes of actually finishing that … Continue reading On getting back into it….
On knowing what matters…
I know the school year rhythm is finally starting to soften around me. The mornings don’t feel as chaotic, the afternoons feel more predictable. There’s some comfort in that. There are still crazy morning and busy afternoons, arguments with my kids, frustrations to manage, and relationships to help them navigate. But feeling a little more … Continue reading On knowing what matters…
On closing doors…
This is what I know. I know I don’t really want to do this anymore.Not like this. Not here. Not in this shape that asks me to convince people that birth can be better or that I'm damn good at what I do, even if I don't fit the mold so much of Texas asks … Continue reading On closing doors…
On leaving a mark…
I know I want to be remembered.I want a legacy, a community, a mark that says, I was here and I mattered.I know I envy the people who build big circles around them—rooms full of students, loyal clients, familiar faces who show up again and again.I know I want that too. Or at least, I think … Continue reading On leaving a mark…
On knowing what to keep…and what to leave.
Being a doula asks a lot of me. A LOT. It asks for my nights, my weekends, my plans, my projects.It asks me to put my family second sometimes. It asks me to hold the weight of other people’s experiences, often at the cost of my own spontaneity, rest, and freedom. Sometimes even my own … Continue reading On knowing what to keep…and what to leave.
On knowing when to call it…
I’ve spent a long time hustling—pouring my heart into birth work, chasing some dream of making it matter enough. Make enough. Mean enough. Be enough. But lately, I’m sitting with the truth that this version of it—this constant on-call, always-available, scraping-by energy—hasn’t been giving back to me. Not financially. Not emotionally. Not spiritually. I'm constantly frustrated with … Continue reading On knowing when to call it…
On figuring things out…
I honestly can't remember the last time I've written anything, let alone anything of value. The last year or so has been a huge drain on my creativity and, frankly, my ability to think cohesively. There are reasons for that. Plenty of reasons. And every time I think, "Damn, I really miss writing and I … Continue reading On figuring things out…
On using the clutch….
I'm trying to get better about writing consistently. I really am! Frankly, I'm not doing nearly as well with it as I could. I find myself exhausted pretty regularly (don't we all) and I'd often rather watch an inappropriate television program in silence while my daughter naps. It's the worst excuse in the world. So … Continue reading On using the clutch….
On what I want to be….
There are a lot of things that I've been known to want to "be" in my nearly-35 years. In grade 6, I wanted to be a pediatric endocrinologist. I literally have no idea what that is, but I was certain I wanted to be one. I think it's a doctor for children. No clue. Probably … Continue reading On what I want to be….
Use. The. Clutch. 