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On wanting and having all the things….

/ micahdl / Leave a comment
Christmas is coming. Prepare yourself. Oh, wait. If all the malls and stores are correct, Christmas has been here since mid-October. And it drives.me.crazy.
I love Christmas. I always have. It’s a part of how I grew up. I’m that girl that spends all year just waiting for the day after Thanksgiving so I can start putting up the tree and the decorations and begin my annual marathon baking sesh. I love shopping for things to give my friends and family. Even more, I love wrapping up the gifts in delightful paper and ribbons, perfectly coifed for their spots under the tree.
But something about Christmas this year is throwing me for a loop. Possibly, it’s been throwing me for a lot longer than that. Or maybe it’s just coming to head this year because this is the first Christmas in my adult life I haven’t had my own job. I don’t know. What I do know is that Christmas is out of control. It got crammed down my throat with a consumeristic vengeance this year and continues to do so. 
For a long time, I’ve been curious about the draw to Black Friday. I’ve only ever “done it” once, probably about fifteen years ago. I don’t like the crowds and I don’t like the fighting over stuff. I hear the stories every year about people getting trampled for a damn XBOX and I just shake my head. What is wrong with us? And that’s even when stores had the decency to stay closed until 6a.m. on Friday morning. 
Now, corporations are actually making people work on Thanksgiving? Really?! Under threats of losing their jobs if they don’t? What is wrong with us? I remember when the only stores that were open on Thanksgiving were grocery stores and even those were only open until noon. Grocery stores open on Thanksgiving? I can make my peace with that. I’m a professional ingredient forgetter. I can appreciate that Kroger is open for a few hours on Thanksgiving morning. But Toys R Us? Kohls? What in God’s name do we need RIGHT FREAKING NOW that can’t wait until Friday? I don’t understand what bargain could be worth making someone be away from their family on (what I thought was) a lovely family-centric holiday. 
Which begs the question: are we really thankful? For anything? So many of us spend the entire month of November talking about things we’re thankful for, but come Black Friday, how much of that do we remember? I wonder what that really says about our culture. 
Something that’s weighed on me for many years now is that of responsible consumerism. Ever since I read “The Omnivore’s Dilemma” back in undergrad, I’ve been more interested in knowing where my food comes from. Not only that, I’m growing to appreciate local economy much more than I ever thought I would. I love going to local farmer’s markets and supporting CSAs. And that’s to say nothing of my support for locally brewed beer (it should be clear by now that I love craft beer). 
But what if I were to take it a little further and consider where my stuff comes from?  What if, this year, instead of buying mass market Christmas gifts, I choose to make them? Or buy them from a local artist? Or even from Etsy? What if I chose to support local economy as much as I can? Or what if – oh my god – I bought gifts from the Salvation Army or the ARC? Inexpensive, creative, and supportive of those that can benefit from how I spend? 
So this year, I’ll probably be doing the same thing I always do on Black Friday: sitting at home, drinking boozy hot chocolate or hot cider, playing cards with my family, maybe even decorating for Christmas. I’m lucky enough to get to spend this Thanksgiving with some of my extended family, something I haven’t done, well, ever (we used to get together for Christmas every year when I was much younger, but never for Thanksgiving)…and there’s not a way for me to describe how excited I am about this! Between Grandma’s cooking and my delightfully hilarious aunts and my cousin and my uncle who knows how to make a killer cocktail, I can’t quite contain my excitement for this year! 
But when it comes to gift giving, I’m going to play it down a bit, employ some alternative choices, and just…enjoy it. 
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If you’re interested in reading some other thoughts on this topic, here are some blogs I’ve come across recently (this is certainly not a new topic): 

On finding a new career….

/ micahdl / Leave a comment
The question was posed some weeks ago: If money wasn’t a concern, what would you want to do for a career? 
My answer: All of the things. 
There are just so many things I want to do and learn and experience. My first idea was to be a professional student. If I could get paid to just go to school and get degrees and learn things, I’d be a pretty happy girl. But then, what kinds of things? 
I really want to learn languages. Spanish, French, Arabic, and Japanese are on the top of my list (for now). My heart beats in a lot of languages…I wish I could speak all of them. I feel like a lot of the world’s problems stem largely from a lack of communication, a lack of understanding. Or maybe even an unwillingness to understand. I would just like to talk with people, on their level, in their language. I watch people’s eyes light up when my brother recognizes their dialect of Spanish and starts talking to them. I also remember how relieved I was when I was lost in Japan and someone just talked to me in English. There’s something really lovely about hearing another culture speak your language. The art of communication is something special indeed.

I’d also really like to spend all my time learning to dance. To just be twirled around a dance floor for hours upon hours every day would make so many of my dreams come true. I love dancing. I love the music, the expressions, the pictures. I love the technique and the history and knowing which forms belong specifically to which style. I want to listen to Frank Sinatra and dance the foxtrot all the live long day. I want to go to salsa in Brazil and know that I don’t look like a crazy person.

The lazy person in me (and she comes out with a great deal of force from time to time) wants to get paid to sit around and watch movies and TV all day. I have terabytes worth of movies I have yet to watch. **As an aside, I find it hilarious that I now talk about the amount of music and movies I have in terms of digital storage and not in terms of CD books or shelves.** I’ve been wanting to watch all the Best Picture winners for a long time. I’ve probably seen a few and don’t know it. But I want to make a point of watching that which was deemed “The Best” by some arbitrary group of filmmakers and critics (or whatever).

Then there’s cooking and baking. I’ve actually semi-seriously looked into going to culinary school. Then I quickly remember I barely know how to handle a chef’s knife. But I would love to know how to cook like Julia Child or Gordon Ramsey or Giada or even Rachael Ray (with her blasted EVOO!). I just want to know how make delicious things all on my own. Now, I know that much of cooking (even baking, to a certain degree) is a lot of guess work, making stuff up, and trying to re-create flavors you’ve had in the past. But there are essentials that I want to know. I want to understand the chemistry behind why some things work and other things won’t. I want to understand cooking at the most basic level so that I can move beyond that into the complicated (and delicious)! Just don’t ever ask me to make a deconstructed salad. I’ll just give you five bucks and send you to Whole Foods. Bam! Deconstruction at it’s finest!

And much like learning languages, I’d love to get paid to travel. Honestly, this is probably the most desirable option. To wander about the world, experiencing all the cultures, eating all the foods, seeing all the history…and then to write about it. That would be the most ideal existence for me. It really combines all the things I love: travel, reading, writing, and eating. And maybe some dancing thrown in for good (and hysterical) measures. It’s like an “Eat, Pray, Love” thing, but without the depression and anxiety at the beginning. Yeah, I’m sure I could get used to that.

Oh, and yoga. Can’t forget the yoga. I don’t think I ever want to be an instructor, but I would like to bring a mat with me wherever I go and find my spiritual center in whatever country I’m in.

So much of the world has so much to offer…we just have to be willing to take it in, without judgment, without pre-existing notions, without fear.

This is what I really want to learn through all of the aforementioned ideas: to live life without reservation.

On changing things up….

/ micahdl / Leave a comment
In less than one week my life has changed – and will change – dramatically. I quit my job a week ago today. This whole “early retirement” thing was a shock to the system. I’m still waking up at 5am every day and I’m pretty sure I’m more tired now than I ever was when I was working full time. Running errands, spending more time with the dogs, cleaning like a crazy person, doing yard work…it’s madness! Each day, I get home from running around and it’s all I can do to haul myself up to my bedroom and collapse onto the bed. I definitely did not expect that. 
To be fair, it’s been a lot of fun stuff. I went on an eight mile bike ride yesterday, which I’d been itching to do. What I failed to take into consideration was the amount of hills in my city combined with my single gear cruiser bike. I looked a hot mess by the time I got home! I’ve gotten to go running without worrying about time. Grocery shopping during the day, however, is a complete joke. I’m certain that drivers are worse in the parking lots at one in the afternoon than they ever could be at six in the evening. Ridiculous. 
For the first three days of “retirement,” I had plenty to keep me busy. Then yesterday, the boredom set in. I had absolutely nothing to do. And it sucked. I didn’t really want to drive anywhere because gas is so expensive. Which also meant I couldn’t take myself out for lunch. It was too hot to run or bike. The dogs were happy playing in the backyard. I had nothing to cook and didn’t want to make cupcakes. All the laundry was done. My stuff is as packed as it can get. Seriously, there was nothing to do. 
I think that’s my biggest fear when I finally get to Virginia and have all the free time in the world. I suppose the dogs and I will be taking many trips to the local dog park. I’d love to try to do yoga on my own. And I’ll need to start running again in earnest. It’s just that everything costs money. And we’re trying our hardest to get rid of nearly all our debt before we move to Maryland, so spending money in Virginia isn’t really going to be an option. It even costs money to go to the beach! Annoying. 
I’ve read blogs and advice columns from women who are housewives without kids and I’m still not really sure what I’m supposed to do with all my time. Outside of cleaning and cooking, what does one do with no money and all the time she could imagine? It’s kind of funny to me, how drastically things have changed. I used to have money and no time. Now it’s just the opposite. Harumph. 
I have a list a mile long of things I want to make when I get out there. The very first thing on my list is chocolate chip cookies. I’ve been struggling with those stupid cookies for nearly 15 years so I’m hoping the elevation (or lack thereof) will help me finally master my recipe. Fighting with recipes can be fun, but only for so long. It’s high time I get those cookies under control. 
So there you have it. “Retirement,” while awesome, is also going to take some getting used to. At least initially. I watched a TV show the other day where one of the characters retired (like, really retired, not just quit a job because he could) and he didn’t really have any idea what to do with himself. I found myself identifying a little bit. I mean, when you’ve spent your entire life (or what seems like your entire life) working and suddenly you don’t have to do that anymore, what are you supposed to fill all the time with? It’s a real problem. A real question. 
I’m going to write (I really can’t wait to get an office set up in our house in Maryland). I’m going to cook (it’s going to be a lot like Julie & Julia. I’m just going to learn to make all the things I’ve been wanting to learn). I’m going to become a brilliant mixologist. I’ll throw parties. And, my body will thank me for this, I’m going to keep running and doing yoga. And maybe I’ll even go swimming from time to time, despite my fear of the ocean (I’m really going to need to get over that). Maybe I’ll learn to make jewelry. I want to learn how to decorate cupcakes better. 
There’s plenty to do. It’s just a matter of doing it. And getting used to it. 
And maybe there will be kids involved someday…

If you like this post, follow me on Twitter: @micahdl
or email me: usetheclutch@gmail.com

On the fear of debt collectors….

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1 Timothy 6:10 – For the love of money is a root of all kinds of evil. Some people, eager for money, have wandered from the faith and pierced themselves with many griefs.

I’m convinced this is one of the most misquoted pieces of Scripture out there. More often than not, it’s simply stated that “MONEY is the root of all evil.” False. That’s never been true. Money can’t inherently be evil. If it were, there are lot of necessities that we’d probably end up stealing.

The LOVE of money, however…that kind of evil makes sense. At least, it does to me.

I wonder, though, if it goes further than just loving money.

I’ve never considered myself a lover of money. I mean, I like having it and I like spending it, but I wouldn’t say I’m in love with it. Quite the opposite, in fact. I’m terrified of it. I’ve spent the better half of my life living in fear of money. I hate debt. I hate being in debt. I hate worrying about how my bills are going to get paid.

My entire life, it feels like I’ve been a slave to money. Okay, not my entire life. But basically since I got my first car when I was 17. I’ve always owed someone money for something. Cars. Houses. Education. Credit cards (damn those necessary and evil things). And it’s the owing of money that has me terrified of money. I always wonder if I’ll have enough to retire on or if I’ll be able to support (or help support) a family or if I’ll get to travel the way I want to.

I’m a master budgeter. I have finances planned out for the next two to three years. In some ways, it makes me feel more comfortable. In other ways, I think if I deviate – even slightly – from that budget, everything will fall to pieces. I give myself very little wiggle room when it comes to money. I put a plan in place and I try desperately to stick to it. And when I inevitably don’t, I punish myself for it.

So is being afraid of money essentially the same thing as loving money?
I’d wager to say “yes” (ah haha…money pun). It really is.
What I think Timothy really meant is that being a slave to money, either through love or fear, isn’t healthy and distracts us from things that are so much more important. Things like taking the time (and money) to enjoy our families and our lives. Or giving back to the church (if you’re the Jesus-lovin’, church-goin’ type). Or simply not living in fear of the tiniest amount of debt.
I’m not suggesting anyone should be flighty or reckless with cash. I’m just suggesting that maybe it’s time to re-evaluate the way I view money, debt, and finances in general. And, because I am the Jesus-lovin’, church-goin’ type, maybe I re-think this fear of money and learn to trust a little more.
Things have a way of working themselves out. Fear not.

On taking a different route….

/ micahdl / Leave a comment
Working mom v. Stay at Home mom. 
Hell, working WOMAN v. Stay at Home WOMAN. 
It’s quite a choice to make, isn’t it? 

While I’ve never been a mother, I have been a woman for, well, just over 33 years now. And I’ve been working for 17 of those years. Like, legitimately working. Hard. I started working when I was 16 years old and haven’t stopped. I got my first corporate job when I was 20 (after I dropped out of college) and basically just kept climbing that stupid ladder from then. I’ve been an executive assistant, a contracts liaison, an insurance agent, and, most recently, sales/service for a cheese company. I’ve made very small steps in my career, but each step has been both up and forward and, for me, that’s is progress. 

During all that nonsense, I also finally completed my Bachelor’s degree, something I honestly didn’t think I’d ever do. It was hard and painful. There were plenty of tears and late nights and exhausted mornings (because I was still working full time). 

So working has become normal for me. A routine. I’ve done it for more than half my life at this point. And frankly, I like making money. I like being able to buy things and go out to dinner and have fun. 

And in one week, all of that is going to end. 

I’m “opting out.” 

I’m choosing to spend my time taking care of a husband and a home (not to mention two little doggies). Part of it is out of necessity. I’m moving to one state for only about five months before moving again to another state where we’ll be for three years. So a five month hiatus from the stress of my current life doesn’t sound all that bad. But once we get to state # 2, I’m starting to wonder whether or not I should try to get another job. I suppose those first five months will help me decide. Will I be bored? Will I feel useless? Will I want to contribute – financially, to our home, and professionally, to the world? Will I feel like I’m missing out on something? My biggest fear, however is: Will I feel like I’m taking advantage of my new husband’s career and finances? My second biggest fear is: Will I feel guilty for “wasting” my expensive, hard-earned college degree? 

My dream job, for as long as I can remember (except for that time in high school when I was sure I was going to be in the CIA) has been to write. I want to get paid to write. More recently, that became an even more focused desire to write for Vanity Fair. If you’ve never picked up that magazine, I highly recommend that you do. The writing is brilliant. If you need some back issues to look at, I have some recommendations. It’s the perfect read for me…fashion, culture, op-ed, history. It’s everything good about magazines without being weighed down by garbage (though it is quite a heavy magazine…thank God for the iPad edition!). That’s the publication I want to write for. The reality is that it’s probably way too late for me to start trying to go for that. So I just need to find other ways to write and get paid. 

The truth is, I think I’ll love being at home. I’ve often wondered why more companies don’t offer a telecommute option, regardless of whether someone is a parent or not. I’ve found that most people are far more productive at home than they are in an office (at least, some of the time). There are fewer interruptions and, frankly, it’s nice to not have to wake up at 5:30am to take a shower and dress is business casual. Somedays, a girl just needs sweatpants, a pony tail, endless coffee, and a laptop. Talk about efficiency! It’s the lack of making money and helping our financial situation that bothers me. 

I’ve thought about volunteering to curb any potential boredom, but that’s really just working without getting paid and, as I’ve said before, I like making money. I also don’t want to work at Starbucks or a bar. Well, to qualify, I don’t want to work at some crappy dive. If I worked at a bar, it would have to be somewhere that I can be creative and not just sling beer. I want to do something that interests me. Even working part-time, I want to be challenged and intrigued. I want to contribute. 

So there you have it. “Opting out” is never going to be as easy as it sounds. There are so many variables to consider. And not one “opt out” person is like the next. 

On living a life of abundance….

/ micahdl / Leave a comment
Last night, for the first time, I cried during yoga.

I’ve been fighting a nasty cold for nearly a week and haven’t been able to run in way too long. I hadn’t been to a yoga class in two weeks. My whole body just ached. I felt weak and powerless, but like I really needed to be there that night. I figured I do the best that I could and if that meant being in a resting pose for an hour, then that’s what that meant.

My instructor was at Wanderlust in Copper Mountain over the weekend (in the gorgeous, refreshing mountain air while I was sweltering on the east coast, learning how to be a military beach bum) and she told the class she had a special message from one of her favorite yogis. Shelly always has something special or fun or insightful to say and everything she says always just makes me feel good so I was looking forward to whatever gem she was going to offer.

Shelly’s end-of-class mantra always includes the words, “Keep smiling!” She lives in a world of smiles and joy and abundance. I don’t know her that well, but what I do know is that she finds the good in things. When Boston and Newtown happened, she took it as an opportunity to encourage us to put light and love into the world. That’s just the kind of person she is.

But last night’s little nugget of happiness hit me like a ton of bricks.

BE UNAPOLOGETIC ABOUT BEING ABUNDANTLY JOYFUL. (Shiva Rae)

I immediately started crying and dammit if my ujjayi breath didn’t force more and more tears out. Suffice it to say, I had a hard time breathing in and out my nose last night. Between the tears and the headcold muck, I mostly just schnucked and sniffed and huffed through my whole practice. I sang along with songs. I didn’t really give a rip about breathing or focus or intention. Or maybe I did. I just kept thinking about the last few months of my life and the next few to come and how, for some reason, I’ve felt a need to be “sorry” or secretive about how happy I really am.

So here’s my reality.

I’m getting married in FIFTY DAYS! FIFTY! That’s completely bonkers to me! Most of the planning is done. It’s not all the hard because of how small the wedding is. The boy I’m marrying is fantastic and amazing and there’s not a way for me to be more excited about what our future holds. We chose to have a small wedding for a couple reasons. 1 – it’s #2 for each of us so the bill is entirely on us and we’re moving AGAIN in less than six months. 2 – we wanted a small wedding. That’s it. We just wanted something intimate and easy. I’m excited to share the day with our parents, siblings, and my best friends (I’m lucky enough to have three…and I’m certainly not apologizing for that). If we’re lucky, Jeff’s best friend will be able to join us too. I’m excited about all the people and vendors that have helped me be able to do certain things (photography, my flowers, etc) either inexpensively or free. I’m grateful for the generosity of creativity that has been lavished on me. I thought about getting a cheap and/or second-hand wedding dress, but instead I just went for it. I got a real wedding dress. A designer dress. And then, with a little more luck, a co-worker offered me an off-the-rack designer reception dress for next to nothing.

I’m friggin’ excited! I am not sorry about that. It shouldn’t have to be a secret. I get to embark on a new life with a wonderful man and there’s no reason not to feel anything less than thrilled about it! And I have every intention of celebrating the awesomeness of this marriage to its fullest, whatever that means. I don’t always know what that looks like, but I know I’m going to celebrate in whatever big and small ways I feel like it.

But here’s the thing: I’m also a little terrified. Not of getting married. I’m a little scared of moving. I’m nervous about leaving the only home I’ve ever really known. All my friends are here. My church is here…the place I’ve been a part of for almost 20 years. That’s a really long time to belong somewhere. My running trails are here. Short story: my history is here. It’s hard to leave that. I’m a Colorado girl, through and through. Maybe a little part of me thought I always would be and here I am jaunting off to new territory, new running terrain (and altitude), and new adventures. I’m afraid of forgetting and being forgotten. I’m afraid of moving away from the familiar.

And yet, none of that makes me NOT want to do this.

I’m excited!
I’m unapologetic!
And I’m outta here!


On occupational hazards….

/ micahdl / Leave a comment
I’m moving to the East Cost in 75 days. Holy crap. I kind of can’t believe how quickly it’s sneaking up on me. Today, I handed my resignation letter over to my boss. There aren’t really words to describe how much I’m going to miss my job and my co-workers. This job has done a lot for me, especially where stability is concerned. My life went into some pretty big upheaval right around the time I started working here and it was something I was able to count on every single day to get me up and keep me going. 
But my life is taking a much different route than I ever thought it would. So it’s time to put my thinking cap on and find new and interesting ways to occupy my time while I’m unemployed during my first few months on the East Coast. So far, I’ve come up with the following activities: 
1. Train for my first marathon. 
2. Find a yoga studio and keep my practice going. 
3. Learn to cook and bake new things. 
4. Start writing again, in earnest.
It’s #3 where I sort of fall apart. I want to learn to make sushi and I want to perfect my prime rib. I also need to re-learn how to bake since I’ll be doing it at sea level for the first time in my life. I’m both excited and terrified. So I’m asking for help in figuring out recipes I should learn for meals and desserts. Here’s what’s on my list right now: 
  •  some kind of cupcake with an avocado frosting
  •  caramelizing onions (probably for French onion soup, so I can continue to make Leah’s amazing recipe…I’ll probably work my way through her recipe catalog)
  •  cook an amazing boeuf bourguignon (I’m starting to wonder if I should do a Julie & Julia thing…)
  •  figure out how to do a souffle dessert
  •  perfect my green chili
  •  learn how to make Surf n’ Turf
  •  try to make legit chicken korma
  •  complicate my baklava a bit in preparation for Christmas

So there you have it, my darling readers…give me your ideas and recipes and help me stay occupied this Fall! 

On living with intention….

/ micahdl / Leave a comment
I go to my yoga studio three to five times every week. Hey, you tell me unlimited classes, I’m going to take as much advantage of that as I possibly can…despite the fact that some have told me that’s “too much yoga.” Is there really such a thing as “too much” yoga? Doubtful.
Anyway, every time we start class, the instructor asks us to set an intention for our practice. I imagine that’s just a standard yoga teacher thing. Regardless, I always try to think of something that I need to focus on for myself. Most recently, it’s been either strength or peace. I often combine each of those with something else, kind of like a main course and a side dish. I mean, it’s my practice so I’ll take from it what I can get. Usually, I combine them with something that’s seemingly opposite, but really it’s complementary. With strength, I also focus on beauty. With peace comes joy. And it almost never fails me. Focusing on things that are good and “breathing out that which no longer serves me” has helped me in huge ways over the last few months.
The levels of stress I’ve competed with in the last two or three months (to say nothing of the last two YEARS) have really thrown me for a loop. I mean, I’m a pretty hard core adrenaline junkie, but these loops have been way more than I ever wanted to be thrown for. I stopped being able to sleep through the night and I was constantly worried about something (usually finances). Things would wake me up in the middle of the night that I either couldn’t control or that I could deal with in the morning. But awake I would be and awake I would stay. My finances got completely out of whack, which is something that – in all honesty – has NEVER happened to me before.
Then, sometime back in January, I read the book “The Secret” and it changed something in me. I stopped thinking about all the negative in my life. I started using as much positive talk as I could come up with. There’s something profound and powerful in removing negative words from one’s speech patterns. It changes the way I approach so many situations in my life now. I try, as best I can, to find whatever silver lining is available. Sure, there have been things that have thrown me and I completely forget to do this (like my move, for example), but on the whole, I try to keep a positive outlook. I remember looking at my finances, completely overwhelmed and disappointed and angry about it, and I said, “I just need [this much money] to get things under control.” I did what I could, but the money never came. I tried getting a job at a bar. I did some secret shopping. But the amount that I needed just never came. So that lofty plan went on the back burner and I just plugged away at my debt as much as I could.
I started doing yoga in April and it changed my life. I learned to breathe and I learned to do it with intention. My teachers always remind us during class that, so often, during the day, we simply get too busy and forget to breathe. How is that even possible? I don’t know, but now that I’m aware of it, I find myself intentionally breathing during the day. It’s helped the way I run. That zen and peace that I found so many years ago in Japan, it’s slowly making it’s way back into my life through yoga. I’m realizing that maybe I should be more proactive about “setting my intention”…maybe it doesn’t just have to be about yoga. Maybe I should wake up, breathe a little, and set an intention for my day. After all, I’m really the only one that can control how good (or bad) my day turns out.
So I’m going to try that out. I’m going to wake up in the morning and set the course of my day. As for day one, it’s working out pretty all right so far.
Last week, we sold the house. For a massive profit. It didn’t really even hit me until this morning, but the amount that I said I needed back in January was almost exactly the amount that I got from the sale.

Intention was set. Intention was sealed. 

On living the good life….

/ micahdl / Leave a comment
Denver, Colorado has been my home for the last 33 years. I’ve never really lived anywhere else, at least, not substantially. There was there year I lived in Calgary, Alberta and my heart certainly found a new “home” there for a time. I loved every second of living in Canada and every time I go back to visit, I fall in love a little more. But that was just one year away from home and I lived in a dorm. Then there was the year I lived in northern Minnesota. I’d be quick to argue that was the worst year of my life (until recently…and it still ranks fairly high on my list of horrible, rotten years) despite the fact I met my best friend that year. She makes that year worth remembering. But, again, it was just a year away from home and I lived in a dorm.
On September 2, 2013, I will officially be leaving my home in Denver and setting up shop way out east. Like, REALLY living somewhere else. New grocery stores, new church, new trails, new favorite restaurants, and most importantly (and most terrifyingly), new friends.
So with a mere three months left in my home, there are probably a LOT of things I need to accomplish. I’m trying to make a list and sometimes I get overwhelmed, so I’m going to ask for some help. Here’s what I’ve come up with so far (with some recent additions from friends):
1. Casa Bonita. Sure, the food sucks and the acting is shockingly worse than the food, but is there anything more definitive of Denver?
2. Shopping on 16th Street Mall. Not that I haven’t done enough of that already…and I certainly don’t need more clothes or shoes…so maybe I’ll just go with the suggestion of playing chess with a homeless guy or tickling the out-of-tune ivories.
3. Hammond’s Candy Factory. The more pressing issue here is that I haven’t EVER been to Hammond’s.
4. Film on the Rocks. Again, how have I not done this yet? Fortunately there are about a zillion movies this summer.
5. Red Rocks, in general. I go running there quite often with another of my BFFs (yes, I get to have more than one. I’m just that lucky), but it would be nice to go to one more amazing show there…though if I don’t, the last show I’ll have seen there is Mumford & Sons. And I’ll be okay with that.
6. Stranahan’s Whiskey distillery tour. I do loves me some brown booze!
7. Scrumptious Ice Cream. I know it’s hard to believe, but I haven’t been there but ONE TIME in the last year. That’s just ridiculous.
8. Patio dining. Oh my gawd, the patio dining. There’s not much more I can say about that. Denver has one of the best restaurant line ups I’ve ever seen. I’m definitely going to miss the abundance of interesting and delicious food.
But more than anything, I just want to spend time with the people I love. No, I’m not moving to another planet or even another country. I’m a four-hour plane ride from Colorado. But all of the things above (and all the things you’ll hopefully suggest to me) are important not just because it’s “Colorado”…they’re important because of the people, the memories, the moments. I have three girl friends with whom concerts – good concerts – become instantly more intimate and precious because they are there. Three of my gal pals are some of the only women I know who share my affinity for dark liquor. There’s the one friend with which patio dining isn’t just another meal…it’s an event, it’s something to celebrate because summer has arrived! I have one friend that loves candy the way that I do and while I’ve never been to Hammond’s (with her or anyone else), I know that she’ll be among the first to come with me. Red Rocks…good Lord…is there a way to summarize everything in my soul about Red Rocks? I’m not even going to try. If you’ve been, you know exactly what I’m talking about. Shopping with my Colorado BFF is adventure and experience in and of itself…who else could talk me into a hot pink leopard print dress and then get me to wear it in public…TWICE?
So there you have it. Those are my things I need to do before I leave. In three months. Twelve weeks. Ninety-four days.

What am I missing? 

On temporary pain….

/ micahdl / Leave a comment
Tattoos are kind of hilarious to me. I’m often perplexed at how emotionally violent people can get about either their love of or hatred of them. I’ve seen people get oddly judgemental toward people who have them; but I’ve seen the flip-side, too. I’ve seen people with tattoos get oddly preachy about the reasons they have theirs…as if one group could convince the other to change their minds. As if it matters.

I have a few tattoos of my own. Four, to be exact. And I love them all. Well, I love three of them. The ugly stepsister tattoo (which was my first) is embarrassing, at best. I need to get it fixed. It was the product of a slightly intoxicated rebellious streak and, because I knew nothing of how to research artists or questions I should ask, I essentially wound up with a paint-by-numbers drawing on my back. Lesson learned, Universe. Lesson learned. [It should also be noted that I credit Miami Ink with teaching me the questions to ask and skills to expect with something so permanent].

So that was my first tattoo. A naked fairy sitting on a rose on my lower back. It’s hideous. Borderline white trash. Sigh. It’s going to take a lot to fix it.

Despite that catastrophe of a tattoo, I’ve become addicted, as so many people do. I now have four tattoos with room for nine more and ideas for at least four of them. Each of them mean (or will mean) something special to me. One is my life’s mission. Another is my family. The most recent is my strength. The next is how I feel about myself (or should feel, because I don’t always feel this way). Another is my past and there will be a matching future. I have a plan for one to display my pride in myself (and my body). I’d like one to display my zen, my peace…but that one will take some time to design.

It’s about the most permanent way I can think of to display the things that make me, me. I see some of my tattoos daily and am reminded of so much of the good and magical in my life. It forces me to remember that for all the good and beautiful in my life, it’s come with some signficant pain. But more than that, it reminds me that pain is temporary and beauty really can feel like forever.