I know I feel like I’m running out of time.I know 45 feels like an edge—like I should have more to show for my life, my education, my experience.I know I hear the clock ticking when I look at my bank account, my empty calendar, my house that’s never as clean as I think it should be. … Continue reading On losing time…
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On closing doors…
This is what I know. I know I don’t really want to do this anymore.Not like this. Not here. Not in this shape that asks me to convince people that birth can be better or that I'm damn good at what I do, even if I don't fit the mold so much of Texas asks … Continue reading On closing doors…
On leaving a mark…
I know I want to be remembered.I want a legacy, a community, a mark that says, I was here and I mattered.I know I envy the people who build big circles around them—rooms full of students, loyal clients, familiar faces who show up again and again.I know I want that too. Or at least, I think … Continue reading On leaving a mark…
On knowing what to keep…and what to leave.
Being a doula asks a lot of me. A LOT. It asks for my nights, my weekends, my plans, my projects.It asks me to put my family second sometimes. It asks me to hold the weight of other people’s experiences, often at the cost of my own spontaneity, rest, and freedom. Sometimes even my own … Continue reading On knowing what to keep…and what to leave.
On knowing when to call it…
I’ve spent a long time hustling—pouring my heart into birth work, chasing some dream of making it matter enough. Make enough. Mean enough. Be enough. But lately, I’m sitting with the truth that this version of it—this constant on-call, always-available, scraping-by energy—hasn’t been giving back to me. Not financially. Not emotionally. Not spiritually. I'm constantly frustrated with … Continue reading On knowing when to call it…
On what I thought it would be…
Daily writing promptIs your life today what you pictured a year ago?View all responses A year ago, there's no way I could have imagined life would be what it is right now. In some ways, that's good. In other ways, not so much. I never would have imagined, a year ago - just 4 months … Continue reading On what I thought it would be…
On feeling things…
I've been trying to process through a lot of feelings and emotions lately. I partly blame my youngest daughter. She's been having "big emotions" recently and is struggling to understand how to manage them, both in her head and in her body. It results in a lot of tears most of the time. And I … Continue reading On feeling things…
On being okay with not being okay…
I think the question I hate right now more than anything is, "What do you love doing?" or it's variants, "What lights you up?" and "What sets your soul on fire?" When you're in the throes of depression (and this is absolutely the worst bout of if I've ever experienced), it's hard to think of … Continue reading On being okay with not being okay…
On wanting to know the future…
I wish someone could just tell me what the future is. There have been so many times in the past that I've actually read the last few pages of a book first, just so that I could know where I was heading. Even with TV shows, I'll often look up, "when do these two characters … Continue reading On wanting to know the future…
On getting back to it…
It's been almost two years since I've written anything for this blog. Things got busy. And rough. And frankly, I just forgot. Which sucks. Things are finally starting to settle down for our family. But my personal self feels quite a bit out of sorts. Ever since we moved to Texas, I've felt an overwhelming … Continue reading On getting back to it…
Use. The. Clutch. 